The bar graph below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011.
Sample Response
The provided chart compares the numbers of male and female enrollees in the research study in six subjects (linguistic, psychology, natural science, engineering programming and mathematics) at a US University. Overall, there were more male students enrolled in the field of research than female students.
According to the given illustration, both male and female students have an equal number of enrollees in natural science. In mathematics, male students showed greater interest than female students. Furthermore, male enrollees in all the subjects except in linguistics. It is evident from the given data that natural science was the most sought subject for both male and female students as they recorded 400 enrollees altogether (200 on each group). In mathematics, male recorded another 200 enrollees as opposed to only about 50 female students. In addition, in psychology, there were about 375 enrollees, male students still dominated at 200 and 175 for their female counterpart. On the contrary, linguistic showed a different story as female students toppled the number of male students at around 120 and 80 respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Less natural noun Original: enrollees Suggested revision: students Why it matters: "Students" is simpler and more natural for this Task 1 chart.
- 2. Subject label Original: linguistic Suggested revision: Linguistics Why it matters: Use the exact subject name from the chart.
- 3. Missing comma Original: engineering programming Suggested revision: engineering, programming Why it matters: Separate the two subjects so the list is clear.
- 4. Capitalization Original: a US University Suggested revision: a US university Why it matters: Do not capitalize "university" unless it is part of a proper name.
- 5. Sharper overview Original: more male students enrolled Suggested revision: more male than female research students in most subjects Why it matters: The overview should state the main pattern more precisely.
- 6. Article and noun Original: an equal number of enrollees Suggested revision: equal numbers of students Why it matters: This phrase is more natural for comparing two groups.
- 7. Avoid inference Original: male students showed greater interest Suggested revision: there were more male students Why it matters: The chart shows numbers, not students' interests.
- 8. Sentence fragment Original: Furthermore, male enrollees in all the subjects except in linguistics. Suggested revision: Furthermore, male students outnumbered female students in all subjects except Linguistics and Natural Science. Why it matters: This needs a verb and should reflect the chart accurately.
- 9. Data focus Original: 400 enrollees altogether Suggested revision: about 400 students in total Why it matters: This is broadly correct, but the wording should be simpler and data-focused.
- 10. Wrong preposition Original: 200 on each group Suggested revision: 200 in each group Why it matters: Use "in" for membership in a group.
- 11. Awkward subject Original: male recorded another 200 enrollees Suggested revision: there were about 200 male students Why it matters: A category does not "record" students in this context.
- 12. Incorrect value Original: about 50 female students Suggested revision: about 40 female students Why it matters: The female Mathematics bar is closer to 40 than 50.
Suggested Rewrites
- enrollees students
- linguistic Linguistics
- engineering programming engineering, programming
- a US University a US university
- more male students enrolled more male than female research students in most subjects
- an equal number of enrollees equal numbers of students
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response gives a basic overview and reports some relevant figures, but several values are inaccurate and two subjects, Engineering and Programming, are not properly covered. Natural Science is correctly identified as equal for both genders, but Psychology and Linguistics figures are misstated.
Check each bar against the chart and include all six subjects, especially the large male advantages in Engineering, Programming, and Mathematics.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction, overview, and detail paragraph, but the second paragraph becomes list-like and one sentence is incomplete.
Group subjects by pattern, such as male-dominated, female-dominated, and equal, then use complete comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for a chart report, but there are awkward word choices such as "enrollees" and inaccurate subject names.
Use precise chart terms such as research students, subjects, and numbers, and copy category labels accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but there are frequent errors with articles, prepositions, fragments, and plural forms.
Revise subject-verb agreement and build full clauses for every comparison.