The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides data regarding the number of bee colonies in five American states in 2006. The data further compares the capacity of honey production of the same colonies in millions of pounds. Overall, North Dakota came at the top of the list as the highest honey-producing state, as well as having the largest number of bee colonies. On the other hand, Wisconsin was the lowest honey producer and had the least number of bee colonies among all five states. According to the data, in 2006, 350 thousand bee colonies were recorded in North Dakota. Consequently, most of the honey came from this state, more than 25 million pounds. Surprisingly, South Dakota’s honey production was significantly low (roughly 10 million pounds) even though this state hosted the second-highest bee colonies, approximately 225 thousand. Montana, which had approximately 130 thousands of bee provinces, was slightly higher than that of Minnesota’s. In terms of honey production, these two states generated an almost equal amount of honey in 2006, 10 million pounds each. Besides, Wisconsin registered the lowest number of bee communities, slightly above 50 thousand and produced around 5 million pounds honey, the least among all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: The bar chart Suggested revision: The bar charts Why it matters: The task contains two charts, so the introductory noun should be plural.
- 2. Use natural measurement phrase Original: the capacity of honey production of the same colonies in millions of pounds Suggested revision: the amount of honey produced by those colonies, measured in millions of pounds Why it matters: This wording expresses the measured quantity clearly and uses the correct production collocation.
- 3. Use concise ranking language Original: came at the top of the list as Suggested revision: ranked first as Why it matters: The replacement states the ranking more directly in an academic report.
- 4. Improve parallel structure Original: as well as having Suggested revision: and also had Why it matters: The replacement coordinates the two leading features more cleanly.
- 5. Describe output directly Original: was the lowest honey producer Suggested revision: produced the least honey Why it matters: The replacement focuses precisely on the production figure shown in the chart.
- 6. Use fewest for count Original: the least number of bee colonies Suggested revision: the fewest bee colonies Why it matters: Use fewest with a countable plural noun such as colonies.
- 7. Remove false cause Original: Consequently Suggested revision: In terms of production Why it matters: The next sentence reports a related figure rather than a result caused by the colony count.
- 8. Avoid majority implication Original: most of the honey came from this state Suggested revision: this state produced the most honey Why it matters: North Dakota had the highest state figure, but its 26 million pounds was not a majority of the five-state total.
- 9. Use comparative wording Original: significantly low Suggested revision: relatively low Why it matters: Relatively low more accurately signals a comparison with the other states.
- 10. Use chart terminology Original: hosted Suggested revision: had Why it matters: Had is the natural verb for reporting a state's number of bee colonies.
- 11. Add count head noun Original: the second-highest bee colonies Suggested revision: the second-highest number of bee colonies Why it matters: The ranking applies to the number of colonies, not to the colonies themselves.
- 12. Use singular thousand Original: 130 thousands Suggested revision: 130 thousand Why it matters: Thousand remains singular when it follows a specific number.
Suggested Rewrites
- The bar chart The bar charts
- the capacity of honey production of the same colonies in millions of pounds the amount of honey produced by those colonies, measured in millions of pounds
- came at the top of the list as ranked first as
- as well as having and also had
- was the lowest honey producer produced the least honey
- the least number of bee colonies the fewest bee colonies
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview, accurately identifies the highest and lowest states, and covers the main figures and comparisons from both charts. Its main limitation is imprecise wording in several descriptions, including awkward terms for bee colonies and a faulty comparison involving Montana and Minnesota. Prioritise precise data-reporting collocations and grammatically complete comparisons to make the account more consistently accurate and natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response presents an accurate overview and selects the principal figures and comparisons across both charts, with only minor imprecision.
Distinguish carefully between having the highest output and producing a majority, and state close values with exact comparative wording.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped and progresses clearly from the overview to the major and then smaller states, with generally effective linking.
Use connectors such as 'consequently' and 'besides' only when their logical relationship precisely matches the adjoining statements.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of vocabulary for describing quantities and comparisons, though several collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace expressions such as 'bee provinces' and 'bee communities' with the precise term 'bee colonies' and use 'honey-production capacity' accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is used with generally good control, but several errors in comparison, plural form, and noun phrasing remain noticeable.
Correct forms such as '130 thousand colonies,' 'the number in Minnesota,' and 'five million pounds of honey.'