The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.
Sample Response
The given table presents the percentages of students who chose four different schools in three different years in secondary level. As an overall trend, Voluntary-controlled Schools were the most popular among secondary level students in 2000 while Community Schools gained its popularity among the pupils in 2009. As can be seen, more than half of the secondary students attended Voluntary-controlled Schools in 2000 while Grammar Schools stood at the second position with 24% pupils. Remaining 24% students were split equally between Specialists Schools and Community Schools. After five years, almost one-third pupils joined Community Schools which showed a 20% increase, while 38% students went to Voluntary-controlled schools, making it still the first choice of the secondary students. The students’ participation decreased by 5% and 1% in Grammar Schools and Specialised Schools respectively in this year. Finally, in 2009, there was a hike in the percentage of pupils who attended Community School which made it the most popular school type in this year. The percentage of attendants of other three schools dropped and all of them managed to gain 42% students in this year with 20% in Voluntary-controlled schools and remaining 22% in other two school types. In summary, Community Schools were preferred by most of the students in 2009 and Voluntary-controlled Schools were popular in 2005 but not in 2009.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe attendance data Original: percentages of students who chose Suggested revision: proportions of students who attended Why it matters: The table measures attendance rather than an act of choosing.
- 2. Name school categories Original: four different schools Suggested revision: four types of secondary school Why it matters: The table compares school types rather than four individual schools.
- 3. Fix time and level phrase Original: in three different years in secondary level Suggested revision: at secondary level in three different years Why it matters: The replacement uses the correct prepositions and word order.
- 4. Use natural trend phrase Original: gained its popularity Suggested revision: became the most popular Why it matters: Gained its popularity is unnatural and does not clearly express the 2009 ranking.
- 5. Use concise ranking Original: stood at the second position Suggested revision: ranked second Why it matters: The shorter phrase is the standard way to describe relative position.
- 6. Add percentage preposition Original: with 24% pupils Suggested revision: with 24% of pupils Why it matters: A percentage followed by a noun phrase requires of.
- 7. Complete determiner phrase Original: Remaining 24% students Suggested revision: The remaining 24% of students Why it matters: Remaining requires the definite article, and percentages take of before the noun.
- 8. Correct school label Original: Specialists Suggested revision: Specialist Why it matters: The table labels the category Specialist Schools, without a plural modifier.
- 9. Add fraction preposition Original: almost one-third pupils Suggested revision: almost one-third of pupils Why it matters: Fractions require of before the following noun phrase.
- 10. Use percentage points Original: joined Community Schools which showed a 20% increase Suggested revision: attended Community Schools, representing an increase of 20 percentage points Why it matters: The share rose from 12% to 32%, a 20-percentage-point increase.
- 11. Add percentage preposition Original: 38% students Suggested revision: 38% of students Why it matters: Of is required between the percentage and the noun.
- 12. Clarify continued ranking Original: making it still the first choice Suggested revision: so it remained the first choice Why it matters: The finite clause states the continued ranking more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- percentages of students who chose proportions of students who attended
- four different schools four types of secondary school
- in three different years in secondary level at secondary level in three different years
- gained its popularity became the most popular
- stood at the second position ranked second
- with 24% pupils with 24% of pupils
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its accurate, comprehensive selection of figures: it clearly traces the fall in voluntary-controlled attendance and the rise of community schools to 58% in 2009. The main limitation is language control, with awkward collocations, missing articles and repetitive time references, compounded by the absence of paragraphing. Preserve the accurate comparisons but organise them into focused paragraphs and edit for concise, natural statistical phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview is supported by accurate coverage of the principal changes and relevant figures across all three years.
Refine the final summary to emphasise both dominant reversals without repeating details already fully established.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a clear chronological sequence, but the single paragraph and repeated phrases such as "in this year" reduce fluency.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs and use the year once at the start of each comparison group.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for describing proportions and change, though phrases such as "gained its popularity," "attendants" and "managed to gain students" are awkward.
Use natural statistical terms such as "became more popular," "pupils" and "accounted for" consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response handles several complex comparisons clearly, but missing articles, agreement issues and noun-phrase errors recur.
Proofread structures involving percentages, using forms such as "24% of pupils," "the remaining 24%" and "the other three schools."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the proportions of pupils attending four secondary school types between 2000 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.