The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph shows trends in shop closures and new shop openingsopenings of new shops in a particular country between the years 2011 and 2018.
In 2011, approximatelyIn 2011 approximately 6,400 shops closed. The number of closures fluctuated over the next four years until 2015, when there was a dramatic fall in closures to roughly 700 shops. The following year, theThe following year the number of shops closing their doors rose sharply, reaching over 5,000. The figures remained steady for the next two years, with just over 5,000 closures in 2018.
The number of new shops opening decreased dramatically between 2011 (approximately 8,500) and 2012 ( just under 4,000) but rose to around 6,200rebounded by roughly 50% by 2014. In 2015, the number of openings then fell to the 2012 level, but remained stable for the next two years. The last recorded year, 2018, saw a further fall to 3,000 new openings, the lowest point in this seven-year periodseven year period.
Overall, the number of shop closures remainedhas remained within the 5,000 to 7,000 range (with the exception of 2015). In contrast, new shop openings showedhave shown a wider range of figures, but generally indicate a downward trend over the same period.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, well-structured overview with accurate reporting of key trends and data points from the graph. Advanced control of vocabulary and sentence structures allows ideas to flow logically without impeding errors. To reach the highest band, direct comparisons between closures and openings could be integrated more dynamically within the detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features and overall trends are clearly highlighted, accurately reported, and supported by correct visual data.
Enhance comparative reporting by directly juxtaposing the two categories in the body paragraphs rather than describing them in separate blocks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear progression throughout the text.
Incorporate a wider range of sophisticated discourse markers to link contrastive data points across paragraphs seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
A broad and flexible range of vocabulary is used naturally to describe numerical changes and line movements.
Continue using precise collocations while ensuring word choices remain accurate across all descriptions of statistical changes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence structures is used accurately with only rare, minor punctuation slips.
Ensure consistent use of commas following long introductory time phrases to maintain perfect grammatical control.