The graph below shows the way people of Somecountry invested their money during the years 2001 – 2006.
Sample Response
Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown.
Write at least 150 words
The bar graph illustrates the amounts of investment in bonds and stocks in Somecountry from 2001 to 2006. It is noticeable that the money used to buy bonds and stocks showed an upward trend throughout the entire period.
In 2001, stock investments started at 210 billion, which was almost double the amount of bonds, at 100 billion. The stock figures slightly rose by 6 billion in 2002, and in the following year it continued to increase to 227 billion. Similarly, the amounts of money that were invested in bonds went up gradually in the two following years to 123 and 157 billion respectively.
There was a surge of investment on stocks in 2004 (289 billion) before it continued to climb further and peaked at 311 billion in 2006. In contrast, only a small increase in money used to buy bonds was seen in 2004 (162 billion). The flow of funds to bonds then steady grew to 179 billion in 2005 before peaking at 188 billion in the last year of the period.
To sum up, stocks have been the most popular investment from 2001 to 2006.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: amounts of investment in bonds and stocks Suggested revision: amount invested in bonds and stocks Why it matters: This phrasing describes the measured monetary total more naturally.
- 2. Describe a static value Original: started Suggested revision: stood Why it matters: The chart reports a value at a point in time rather than the start of an activity.
- 3. Correct the comparison Original: almost double the amount of bonds Suggested revision: just over twice the amount invested in bonds Why it matters: The chart shows 210 billion for stocks and 100 billion for bonds, so the stock figure was slightly more than double.
- 4. Place adverb naturally Original: The stock figures slightly rose Suggested revision: The stock figures rose slightly Why it matters: The manner adverb belongs after the verb here.
- 5. Match the plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun "figures".
- 6. Use the right preposition Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The standard collocation is "investment in" an asset.
- 7. Use an adverb Original: steady grew Suggested revision: grew steadily Why it matters: An adverb is needed to modify the verb "grew".
- 8. Use past tense Original: stocks have been Suggested revision: stocks were Why it matters: The completed 2001–2006 period requires the past tense.
- 9. Use concise terminology Original: money used to buy bonds and stocks Suggested revision: investment in bonds and stocks Why it matters: This replacement states the financial measure more concisely.
- 10. Give the resulting value Original: by 6 billion in 2002 Suggested revision: to 216 billion in 2002 Why it matters: The chart directly shows the 2002 stock total, so reporting it makes the data easier to verify.
- 11. Name the year directly Original: in the following year Suggested revision: in 2003 Why it matters: Naming the year makes the time sequence more precise and easier to follow.
- 12. Reduce wordiness Original: the amounts of money that were invested in bonds Suggested revision: investment in bonds Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- amounts of investment in bonds and stocks amount invested in bonds and stocks
- started stood
- almost double the amount of bonds just over twice the amount invested in bonds
- The stock figures slightly rose The stock figures rose slightly
- it they
- on in
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report’s strongest feature is its accurate selection and comparison of the main movements, supported by well-chosen figures and a clear overview that both investments rose. Its main limitation is language control, with several agreement, word-form, and collocation slips, while the omission of the 2005 stock figure slightly reduces completeness. The highest priority is to proofread sentence grammar and use precise investment collocations while retaining the effective data grouping.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview, accurately reports nearly all key values, and makes relevant comparisons between stocks and bonds.
Include the 2005 stock value and state explicitly in the overview that stocks remained higher throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to chronological detail, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Integrate the final comparison into the overview and refine links such as ‘Similarly’ and ‘In contrast’ so each relationship is exact.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of trend and investment vocabulary, although a few collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Use precise forms such as ‘investment in stocks’ and ‘grew steadily,’ and avoid switching unnecessarily among less natural paraphrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of simple and complex sentences is used with generally good control, but several agreement and reference errors remain.
Check subject–verb agreement, adverb forms, and pronoun reference, especially in sentences describing plural figures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the way people of Somecountry invested their money during the years 2001 – 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.