The graph below shows the way people of a country invested their money in stock market during the years 2001-2006. Money invested in stock market in Some country (in billions)
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates how much money citizens of a country invested in the stock market from 2001 to 2006. The investment amount is given in billion and is categorised in bonds and stocks. A glance at the bar chart depicts that amount invested in stock market increased steadily over the time and people funded considerably more money in stocks than they did in bonds. As is presented in the graph, people bought bonds worth 100 billion and more than double than that of stocks in 2001. Next year the investment slightly raised both for bonds and stocks and went further up in 2003. People’s investment in stock went as high as 289 billion in 2004 compared to 162 billion in bonds. The same trend continued in the next two years and in 2006, total investment in stocks by the people of this country amounted over 300 billion, almost a 50% increase than that of 5 years earlier. In this year, people purchased bond worth 188 billion, around 120 billion less than that of stocks and exactly 88 billion more than that of 2001.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural unit Original: billion Suggested revision: billions Why it matters: The unit refers to multiple billions, so the plural form is required.
- 2. Describe categories accurately Original: is categorised in bonds and stocks Suggested revision: is divided into bonds and stocks Why it matters: Divided into is the natural phrase for the two series shown.
- 3. Use reporting verb Original: depicts Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: A chart shows that something happened rather than depicts that it happened.
- 4. Add definite articles Original: amount invested in stock market Suggested revision: the amount invested in the stock market Why it matters: Both specific nouns require the definite article here.
- 5. Remove extra article Original: over the time Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: The fixed time-trend expression is over time without an article.
- 6. Use investment verb Original: funded Suggested revision: invested Why it matters: Invested is the accurate verb for placing money in stocks.
- 7. Use intransitive verb Original: the investment slightly raised Suggested revision: the investment rose slightly Why it matters: An amount rises by itself; raise requires an object.
- 8. Place both correctly Original: both for bonds and stocks Suggested revision: for both bonds and stocks Why it matters: Both should directly precede the two coordinated nouns.
- 9. Use formal trend verb Original: went further up Suggested revision: increased further Why it matters: Increased further is more precise for describing chart movement.
- 10. Use plural category Original: stock Suggested revision: stocks Why it matters: The chart category is stocks, so the plural form is required.
- 11. Add required preposition Original: amounted over 300 billion Suggested revision: amounted to over 300 billion Why it matters: The verb amount takes the preposition to before a value.
- 12. Express comparison accurately Original: almost a 50% increase than that of 5 years earlier Suggested revision: almost 50% more than five years earlier Why it matters: Stocks rose from 210 to 311 billion, making almost 50% more an accurate comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- billion billions
- is categorised in bonds and stocks is divided into bonds and stocks
- depicts shows
- amount invested in stock market the amount invested in the stock market
- over the time over time
- funded invested
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview and selects several accurate figures, with the rising investment trend and the consistently higher spending on stocks communicated effectively. Its main weakness is language control: awkward comparisons and collocations sometimes obscure otherwise accurate information, and the single-block presentation weakens organisation. The highest priority is to use precise comparative structures and separate the overview from the detailed data in clearly focused paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several accurate figures cover the main upward trend and the large gap between stocks and bonds.
Clarify the 2001 comparison and include one or two more precise year-to-year comparisons without ambiguous wording.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses chronologically with appropriate linking, but it is compressed into one paragraph and some references are unclear.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, and replace vague references such as 'that of' with explicit nouns.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for trends and quantities, though several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Use standard chart language such as 'rose', 'stood at', and 'was higher than' with accurate singular and plural forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but article, comparison, agreement, and noun-form errors recur.
Prioritise accurate comparative clauses and countable-noun forms, then proofread articles and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the way people of a country invested their money in stock market during the years 2001-2006. Money invested in stock market in Some country (in billions)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.