The diagram below describes the structure of a home smokery and how it works.
This response is estimated at Band 5.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The process diagramgraph shows three parts of the whole procedure of a home smokery.
Overall, there are three main stagesthree parts total, and the initial two of three processes happen underground.
At the beginning, fresh air flowsflow into the openopened lid and then settlessettle down to the bottom of aan U-shaped underground chamberreacting area. The fresh air at the bottom continuously flowsflow to the right side and into the second partinto second part of this whole process. With a closed lidWith closed lid and logs, fresh air createsbecome the best fire condition, when the logs are burned out, the smoke flowssmog flow to the third process through the pipe.
In the final part, smog travels above ground levelgoes outside the underground. There is a box with fish and meat. The smoke is releasedThe smog is getting out from the exit which is connected to the pipe. The final step happens in the box. With this,Since then the whole process of a home smokery is completedhas been finished.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response successfully outlines the main sequence of the home smokery process using the provided diagram. However, inaccurate word choices such as using 'smog' for smoke and persistent grammatical errors hinder clarity. To improve, focus on using precise terminology suited for technical diagrams and ensure accurate subject-verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main stages of the diagram are covered with a general overview, though minor key details like ground level are partially unclear.
Ensure all key structural labels and functional steps from the diagram are accurately described without misinterpreting features.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized chronologically according to the numbered stages, but logical progression feels mechanical with repetitive linking phrases.
Vary cohesive devices and sentence structures to link steps more naturally across paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is limited and includes inappropriate word choices, such as repeatedly using 'smog' instead of smoke.
Use precise vocabulary appropriate for process descriptions, such as 'smoke', 'combustion', and 'above-ground'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammatical errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tenses occur throughout the text.
Review basic grammar rules, particularly matching singular subjects like 'fresh air' with correct present-tense verb forms.