The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in.
Sample Response
The graph presents the engagement of grades 8, 9 and 10 students in three different outdoor games namely: cricket, soccer and basketball. Obviously, it is clear that most students are more engrossed in cricket that the other two sports and football, as a sport, was their second choice. The trend presented in the diagram shows that more than half of the grade nice students prefer cricket while the other graders have marginally lesser interests in joining this sport with 45% and 40% cricket players respectively. However, it is quite obvious that the participants from these grades mainly play cricket. On the other hand, football comes at the second choice as an outdoor sport among these pupils. At least a quarter of grade eight students joined in to play football while roughly one-third of ninth graders are involved in playing this sports. Furthermore, more than 30 percent of students in grade ten participate in football. Lastly, basketball is one of the least preferred sport by the students of these classes having less than a third of the students interested in playing it. Overall, it is safe to say that most students prefer to play the cricket regardless of what grade they are in.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the grade groups Original: engagement of grades 8, 9 and 10 students Suggested revision: participation of students in grades 8, 9 and 10 Why it matters: The revised noun phrase clearly shows that the students belong to the three grades.
- 2. Correct the punctuation Original: namely: Suggested revision: namely, Why it matters: “Namely” takes a comma rather than a colon in this sentence structure.
- 3. Remove redundant framing Original: Obviously, it is clear that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: The two certainty markers are repetitive, while “Overall” clearly signals the overview.
- 4. Use chart vocabulary Original: engrossed Suggested revision: involved Why it matters: “Engrossed” describes mental absorption rather than measured participation in a sport.
- 5. Fix the comparison Original: that Suggested revision: than Why it matters: A comparative phrase with “more” requires “than.”
- 6. Match the chart label Original: football, as a sport, was their second choice Suggested revision: soccer was their second choice Why it matters: Using “soccer” keeps the category name consistent with the visual.
- 7. Correct the grade Original: nice Suggested revision: eight Why it matters: The 55% cricket figure belongs to grade eight in the chart.
- 8. Use a precise noun Original: the other graders Suggested revision: students in the other grades Why it matters: “Students in the other grades” is clearer and more natural in this context.
- 9. Describe rates precisely Original: marginally lesser interests Suggested revision: slightly lower participation rates Why it matters: The chart measures participation percentages, and “lesser interests” is an unnatural collocation.
- 10. Attach the figures clearly Original: with 45% and 40% cricket players respectively Suggested revision: at 45% and 40%, respectively Why it matters: The replacement correctly links the two percentages to the participation rates.
- 11. Remove the false contrast Original: However, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The sentence repeats the preceding point rather than introducing a contrast.
- 12. Use natural ranking language Original: football comes at the second choice Suggested revision: soccer ranks second Why it matters: “Ranks second” is the natural expression for the sport’s position.
Suggested Rewrites
- engagement of grades 8, 9 and 10 students participation of students in grades 8, 9 and 10
- namely: namely,
- Obviously, it is clear that Overall,
- engrossed involved
- that than
- football, as a sport, was their second choice soccer was their second choice
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the dominant overall pattern and reports the soccer figures reasonably clearly, using a mostly understandable sequence. However, it assigns the 55% cricket figure to grade nine rather than Class VIII, gives little precise basketball data, and contains frequent awkward or incorrect forms. Prioritize matching every value to the correct class and reporting the basketball progression with exact percentages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview correctly identifies cricket as most popular, but a major class-label error and limited basketball detail weaken coverage.
Match 55%, 45%, and 40% to Classes VIII, IX, and X respectively, then report the basketball rise from 20% to 28%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves through the sports in a generally logical order, but repetition and absent paragraphing weaken progression.
Use a separate overview and organize the details into clear comparison paragraphs without restating the same main trend.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to describe preferences and participation, though several word choices and collocations are unnatural.
Prefer precise phrases such as 'participation rate,' 'second most popular,' and 'students in each class.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but frequent agreement, article, comparative, and word-form errors limit grammatical control.
Check structures such as 'more interested than,' 'this sport,' and 'the least preferred sport' throughout the response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.