The first graph gives the number of passengers travelling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time.
Sample Response
The line graphs give data on the number of train commuters in Sydney from 1995 to 2004 and outline the ratio of trains that ran on time during the same period. As an overall trend, the number of rail passengers in Sydney gradually increased between 1995 to 2002 and in 2004 a higher percentage of locomotives failed to run on time. As the data suggests, 250 million passengers used the train transportations in 1995 in Sydney and this number slowly increased in the next 4 years. In 1999, train commuters' number in Sydney was around 265 million and it abruptly hiked in the next two years before dropping again in 2002. In 2000, 280 million passengers used locomotives and this number further increased and reached to the highest, 300 million, in 2001. From 2002 to 2004 the train commuters’ number remained constant at 280 million. Besides, more than 92% trains in 1995 arrived and reached their destination on time but this record deteriorated and dropped to just over 85% in 1997. In 2000, almost 15% rails failed to maintain the schedule and this scenario was worst in 2004 when more than 25% trains in Sydney could not run on time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart term Original: ratio Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: The graph reports a percentage rather than a ratio.
- 2. Correct transport noun Original: transportations Suggested revision: services Why it matters: Transportation is uncountable here, and train services is the natural term.
- 3. Order place and time Original: in 1995 in Sydney Suggested revision: in Sydney in 1995 Why it matters: Placing the location before the year makes the sequence more natural.
- 4. Use duration preposition Original: in the next 4 years Suggested revision: over the next four years Why it matters: Over correctly describes change across a period of time.
- 5. Fix noun phrase Original: train commuters' number Suggested revision: number of train commuters Why it matters: The of-phrase is the natural grammatical form for this quantity.
- 6. Use formal trend verb Original: abruptly hiked Suggested revision: rose sharply Why it matters: Rose sharply is the appropriate formal collocation for a rapid increase.
- 7. Use period preposition Original: in Suggested revision: over Why it matters: Over correctly refers to movement across the two-year period.
- 8. Describe passenger travel Original: used locomotives Suggested revision: travelled by train Why it matters: Passengers travel by train rather than use locomotives.
- 9. Use peak collocation Original: reached to the highest, 300 million Suggested revision: reached a peak of 300 million Why it matters: Reached a peak of is the standard expression for the maximum value.
- 10. Signal graph change Original: Besides Suggested revision: Turning to punctuality Why it matters: This transition clearly shows that the discussion is moving to the second graph.
- 11. Add proportion preposition Original: 92% trains Suggested revision: 92% of trains Why it matters: A percentage followed by a count noun requires of.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: arrived and reached their destination Suggested revision: arrived Why it matters: Arrived already means reached the destination, so the second phrase is redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- ratio percentage
- transportations services
- in 1995 in Sydney in Sydney in 1995
- in the next 4 years over the next four years
- train commuters' number number of train commuters
- abruptly hiked rose sharply
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response selects several important figures and clearly identifies the passenger peak and the sharp decline in punctuality at the end. Its main limitation is that the overview misstates the passenger trend and the discussion of punctuality omits substantial fluctuations between the selected years. Prioritise a fully accurate overview and compare the major peaks, troughs, and reversals across both graphs before adding supporting figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers both graphs and reports several key values, but the overview inaccurately extends the passenger rise to 2002 and important punctuality fluctuations are omitted.
State the 2001 passenger peak and the fluctuating punctuality pattern accurately, then support both trends with well-selected comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses from passengers to punctuality in a generally logical sequence, although the single dense paragraph and some linking choices weaken organisation.
Use a clear overview paragraph followed by one paragraph for each graph, with links that express comparison and change precisely.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range for trends and quantities, but several choices such as train transportations, abruptly hiked, and rails are unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise graph-reporting language such as passenger numbers rose sharply, trains, and punctuality rate, while avoiding unnecessary synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, but recurring article, preposition, plural, and comparative-form errors reduce control.
Check structures around figures and trends, especially between 1995 and 2002, reached a peak, and more than 92% of trains.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The first graph gives the number of passengers travelling by train in Sydney. The second graph provides information on the percentage of trains running on time.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.