The graph shows Internet Usage in Taiwan by Age Group, 1998-2000. Who Uses the Internet in Taiwan?
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of internet users in Taiwan in three different age groups between 1998 and 2000. Overall, young internet users in Taiwan was remarkably higher than older internet users. It is clear that the highest internet user was the young age group (between 16 and 30 years), though the rate had decreased over the period, while the lowest was the junior population (aged below 15). In 1998, the highest population of internet users in Taiwan was the young people, as their figure was accounted for 53% of the total internet users. It dropped drastically to 44% in 2000. As for the middle age people (between 31 and 50 years), their figure had decreased slightly from 41% in 1998 to 37% in 2000. The senior people (aged 50 years and above) and the junior people figures’ were 4% and 2% 1998. As the senior people’s percentage grew by two-fold, the junior group rate also increased by 6% in 1999. And then both figures continued to increase as they reached 10% and 9% in 2000.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct group count Original: three Suggested revision: four Why it matters: The chart contains four age categories, not three.
- 2. Fix comparison subject Original: young internet users in Taiwan was remarkably higher than older internet users Suggested revision: the proportion of users aged 16–30 was considerably higher than the proportions in the older groups Why it matters: The revision compares proportions and fixes subject-verb agreement.
- 3. Name largest group Original: highest internet user Suggested revision: largest group of internet users Why it matters: The chart compares groups' shares, not the height of an individual user.
- 4. Use exact age band Original: young age group Suggested revision: 16–30 age group Why it matters: The chart's precise category label is clearer than young.
- 5. Use simple past Original: had decreased over the period Suggested revision: decreased over the period Why it matters: The simple past describes the completed 1998–2000 trend.
- 6. Reflect tied minimum Original: the lowest was the junior population Suggested revision: the under-15 group had the lowest or joint-lowest share Why it matters: The under-15 group was lowest in 1998 and 2000 but tied with the oldest group in 1999.
- 7. Use share terminology Original: highest population of internet users Suggested revision: largest share of internet users Why it matters: The bars show proportions of users rather than population totals.
- 8. Fix complement Original: was the young people Suggested revision: was held by 16–30-year-olds Why it matters: This construction correctly links the largest share to the age group.
- 9. Remove false passive Original: their figure was accounted for Suggested revision: they accounted for Why it matters: Account for is active in this construction.
- 10. Use measured trend Original: dropped drastically to 44% Suggested revision: fell to 44% Why it matters: Fell reports the change precisely without overstating its intensity.
- 11. Use adjective form Original: middle age people Suggested revision: middle-aged people Why it matters: Middle-aged is the correct compound adjective before people.
- 12. Use simple past Original: had decreased slightly Suggested revision: decreased slightly Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient for the completed trend.
Suggested Rewrites
- three four
- young internet users in Taiwan was remarkably higher than older internet users the proportion of users aged 16–30 was considerably higher than the proportions in the older groups
- highest internet user largest group of internet users
- young age group 16–30 age group
- had decreased over the period decreased over the period
- the lowest was the junior population the under-15 group had the lowest or joint-lowest share
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its accurate selection of the main trends and endpoints, including the decline among the two largest user groups and growth among the youngest and oldest groups. Its main limitation is language control, alongside the incorrect statement that the chart contains three rather than four age groups. The priority is to retain the sound comparisons while correcting group labels, agreement, and percentage phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and most figures accurately represent all major trends, though the introduction miscounts the age groups and omits some 1999 values for the larger groups.
Identify all four age categories correctly and add a concise comparison of the middle-year values where it clarifies the trends.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from overview to declining groups and then rising groups, but the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive references limit fluency.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and use clear category names to avoid repeated phrases such as "their figure."
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for reporting proportions and changes, but imprecise expressions such as "highest internet user" and "junior population" recur.
Use precise terms such as "largest share of users," "under-15 group," and "percentage-point increase."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the data clearly, but agreement, article, possessive, and passive-form errors occur regularly.
Correct structures such as "users were," "accounted for," and "the figures for the senior and junior groups were."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows Internet Usage in Taiwan by Age Group, 1998-2000. Who Uses the Internet in Taiwan?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.