The graph below shows the weekday volume of passenger activity on the Toronto Metro system for July 2007.
Sample Response
The graph shows information about the passenger activity on Toronto metro systems for a week in July 2007. The x-axis of the graph shows different hours of the day while the y-axis gives the number of passengers in thousands.
According to the given data, the metro systems start at 6 in the morning with 100 thousand people. As the day moved forward, the numbers increased rapidly and around 8’o clock in the morning, it went up to the peak of 400 thousand people, and the volume decreased at 10:00 am from 400 to 200 thousand people.
Moving ahead, it went up to in the middle of the day and maintained the same number till 2:00 pm in the afternoon around 300 thousand people then it is going down in number as same as 6 in the morning and when the evening starts the number skyrocketed and moves to near about 400 thousand people at 6 in the evening and after that it going down and down till ten at night.
Overall, the peak of the subway system is 8 in the morning and 6 in the evening. At the same time, the x-axis of the graph went down at the start of the day in the middle of the day, around 4:00 pm in the evening.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: the passenger activity Suggested revision: passenger activity Why it matters: Passenger activity is used as an uncountable general measure here.
- 2. Use singular system Original: Toronto metro systems Suggested revision: the Toronto Metro system Why it matters: The graph concerns one named transport system, so the singular form is required.
- 3. Correct time coverage Original: for a week in July 2007 Suggested revision: on weekdays in July 2007 Why it matters: The graph shows a weekday daily pattern for July, not activity across one particular week.
- 4. Fix singular subject Original: the metro systems start Suggested revision: the metro service starts Why it matters: A singular subject and verb are needed for the one system shown.
- 5. Use passenger measure Original: 100 thousand people Suggested revision: 100,000 passengers Why it matters: Passengers is the precise label used by the graph, and the numeral is clearer in standard form.
- 6. Use precise sequence Original: As the day moved forward Suggested revision: As the morning progressed Why it matters: This transition locates the movement more precisely within the daily timeline.
- 7. Name the measure Original: the numbers increased rapidly Suggested revision: passenger numbers rose rapidly Why it matters: Naming passenger numbers removes an unclear generic reference.
- 8. Correct time expression Original: around 8’o clock Suggested revision: at 8 o'clock Why it matters: A specific plotted time takes at, and o'clock needs the standard apostrophe and spelling.
- 9. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it went up to the peak Suggested revision: they reached a peak Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun numbers.
- 10. Correct decline timing Original: the volume decreased at 10:00 am from 400 to 200 thousand people Suggested revision: the number then fell to about 200,000 by 10:00 a.m. Why it matters: The line falls over the period from the 8 a.m. peak and reaches roughly 200,000 at 10 a.m.
- 11. Use formal transition Original: Moving ahead Suggested revision: Thereafter Why it matters: Thereafter provides a concise chronological link in a formal report.
- 12. Repair verb structure Original: it went up to in the middle of the day Suggested revision: passenger numbers rose around midday Why it matters: The original phrase has an incomplete complement after went up to.
Suggested Rewrites
- the passenger activity passenger activity
- Toronto metro systems the Toronto Metro system
- for a week in July 2007 on weekdays in July 2007
- the metro systems start the metro service starts
- 100 thousand people 100,000 passengers
- As the day moved forward As the morning progressed
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the principal morning and evening peaks and includes several broadly accurate time-and-volume figures. However, it oversimplifies the midday and evening movements, incorrectly suggests a continuous fall after 6 p.m., and sometimes describes the axis rather than passenger numbers. Prioritise tracing the line interval by interval, including the 9 p.m. rebound, while dividing long descriptions into controlled grammatical sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The two main peaks and several key values are identified, but important fluctuations are omitted or inaccurately generalised.
Report the 4 p.m. low and the fall-rise-fall pattern between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. with accurate approximate values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-part structure gives a basic progression, but the long third paragraph and repetitive sequencing weaken clarity.
Organise the details into morning-to-afternoon and late-afternoon-to-night periods using shorter, clearly connected sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to describe basic changes, but repetition and imprecise expressions frequently reduce statistical clarity.
Replace phrases such as going down and down, moved forward, and the x-axis went down with precise trend verbs and nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent tense shifts, agreement errors, missing words, and run-on coordination reduce control, although the main meaning remains recoverable.
Keep descriptions consistently in the past tense and split the extended third-paragraph sentence into several complete clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the weekday volume of passenger activity on the Toronto Metro system for July 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.