The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.
Sample Response
The chart provides a breakdown of employment in a number of tourism-related industries over a ten-year period. Overall, we can see that the total level of employment increased by about twenty per cent during the period. However, there was some variation in the figures for the individual sectors. For example, while the travel industry increased its workforce substantially over the decade, there was relatively little growth in that associated with hotels and other tourist accommodation.
Travel represented the biggest area of expansion, having almost doubled its number of employees by 2019. The food industry also saw a significant increase, from 283,000 employees in 2009 to 357,000 in 2019, while the sports industry enjoyed an almost equal level of growth. The least successful sector was culture, including museums and art galleries, where the figures actually fell slightly over the period.
The data suggests that, despite minor fluctuations in the various sectors, employment in the tourism industry as a whole will continue to grow.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use objective phrasing Original: we can see Suggested revision: the chart shows Why it matters: This phrasing keeps the description formal and focused on the visual evidence.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: total level of employment Suggested revision: total employment Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: that associated with hotels and other tourist accommodation Suggested revision: employment in hotels and other tourist accommodation Why it matters: The pronoun reference is awkward and obscures what experienced little growth.
- 4. Specify proportional growth Original: biggest area of expansion Suggested revision: largest proportional increase Why it matters: Travel nearly doubled, although other sectors added more workers in absolute terms.
- 5. Compare growth precisely Original: enjoyed an almost equal level of growth Suggested revision: recorded a somewhat smaller increase Why it matters: Sports added about 61,000 jobs, compared with roughly 74,000 in food.
- 6. Describe the change Original: least successful sector Suggested revision: only sector to decline Why it matters: The chart supports a factual decline in culture rather than a judgement about success.
- 7. Avoid prediction Original: will continue to grow Suggested revision: grew over the period shown Why it matters: The chart ends in 2019 and provides no evidence about future employment.
- 8. Streamline the overview Suggested revision: Keep the overview concise and move the sector-specific examples into the detail paragraph. Why it matters: This would separate the main trends more clearly from the supporting figures.
Suggested Rewrites
- we can see the chart shows
- total level of employment total employment
- that associated with hotels and other tourist accommodation employment in hotels and other tourist accommodation
- biggest area of expansion largest proportional increase
- enjoyed an almost equal level of growth recorded a somewhat smaller increase
- least successful sector only sector to decline
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, accurate overview and selects useful comparisons, with particularly strong control of the figures for travel, food, sport, culture, and accommodation. Its main limitation is the unsupported prediction that employment will continue to grow, since the chart only reports two historical years. Prioritise ending with a factual comparison drawn directly from the chart and, where space permits, include a few more exact values.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview and accurately identifies the total rise and the contrasting changes across all five sectors.
Replace the unsupported future prediction with another precise historical comparison from the two bars.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses smoothly from the overview to logically selected sector comparisons, with cohesive devices used naturally.
Avoid a separate one-sentence conclusion when the opening overview already fulfils that function.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, including effective terms such as workforce, expansion, fluctuations, and sector.
Prefer direct phrasing over occasional awkward expressions such as employment associated with hotels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Maintain this control while simplifying occasional elliptical structures to make comparisons even more direct.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows employment figures in different tourism-related industries between 2009 and 2019.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.