The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001. Number of enquiries to tourist Information office
Sample Response
The line graph outlines the number of queries a tourist information centre received during the first half of 2001 via phone calls and letter/electronic mails as well as questionings made by people in person. Generally speaking, people started making more enquiries in person after March 2001 while email and letter query dropped. As the graph suggests, the tourist information office received around 1800 enquiries from people in January 2001 of which the maximum came through phones. Against 800 phone queries at that time they got 600 emails and letters and 400 in-person visits from people regarding information. The number of emails or postal queries dropped over the period and in June the office received only 200 such queries, one-third than that of starting of the year. Interestingly, more people visited the office to log their questions and this number reached to 1200 in the middle of the year. Though telephone enquiries were predominant at the beginning of the year, they remained constant between January and April. Afterwards, the telephone enquiries got higher and reached to about 1100 in June 2001, slightly lower than the number of enquiries made in person. The total number of such prove made by people to this tourist office increased to nearly 2500, almost 500 more enquiries than that of January.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task terminology Original: queries Suggested revision: enquiries Why it matters: Enquiries is the more precise term for requests for information in this context.
- 2. Use natural channel names Original: letter/electronic mails Suggested revision: letters and emails Why it matters: The original phrase is unidiomatic and incorrectly treats mail as a count noun.
- 3. Replace incorrect noun Original: questionings Suggested revision: enquiries Why it matters: Questionings normally means interrogations and does not describe requests for tourist information.
- 4. Correct in-person trend Original: started making more enquiries in person after March 2001 Suggested revision: made increasingly more enquiries in person throughout the period Why it matters: The in-person series rises from January onward, not only after March.
- 5. Fix number agreement Original: email and letter query Suggested revision: email and letter enquiries Why it matters: The compound category requires a plural count noun here.
- 6. Name largest category Original: the maximum Suggested revision: the largest number Why it matters: Largest number expresses the comparison among enquiry totals more naturally.
- 7. Use additive link Original: Against Suggested revision: Alongside Why it matters: The sentence adds the three January figures rather than contrasting them.
- 8. Use formal reporting verb Original: they got Suggested revision: the office received Why it matters: Received is more precise and appropriately formal for a data report.
- 9. Fix fraction comparison Original: one-third than that of starting of the year Suggested revision: one-third of the January figure Why it matters: The fraction requires of, and the revised comparison identifies its reference clearly.
- 10. Remove wrong preposition Original: reached to Suggested revision: reached Why it matters: Reach takes a direct object and is not followed by to before a figure.
- 11. Report fluctuations accurately Original: remained constant between January and April Suggested revision: dipped slightly in February before returning to 800 in March and remaining stable in April Why it matters: The telephone series falls from 800 to about 750, returns to 800, and then stays level.
- 12. Use precise trend verb Original: got higher Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: Rose is the standard concise verb for an upward movement in a graph.
Suggested Rewrites
- queries enquiries
- letter/electronic mails letters and emails
- questionings enquiries
- started making more enquiries in person after March 2001 made increasingly more enquiries in person throughout the period
- email and letter query email and letter enquiries
- the maximum the largest number
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies all three enquiry channels, presents the dominant trends, and supports them with generally accurate figures. Its main weakness is precision: the overview mistimes the rise in in-person enquiries, and the final comparison understates the increase from January to June, while awkward phrasing occasionally reduces clarity. Prioritise exact trend statements and verify every calculation against the graph before adding a concluding comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview and covers the main trends with mostly accurate figures, but it contains a few inaccurate trend and total comparisons.
State that in-person enquiries rose throughout the period and correct the January-to-June increase in total enquiries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to each enquiry channel, but presenting the whole report as one paragraph weakens its organisation.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs so the contrasting trends are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of trend vocabulary, though several unnatural choices such as 'questionings' and 'such prove' reduce precision.
Use standard chart-reporting collocations such as 'enquiries made in person,' 'fell to,' and 'the total number of enquiries.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures is used and meaning remains clear, despite recurring errors with articles, comparison forms, and verb complementation.
Review comparative structures and remove incorrect forms such as 'one-third than' and 'reached to.'