The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November in 2008.
Sample Response
The two line graphs illustrate the percentage of trains, from a particular company, that were either cancelled or running late in October and November in 2008.
It is clear that the percentage of trains that were delayed or cancelled both witnessed significant fluctuations over the period shown. Additionally, while the highest percentage of train trips were cancelled in October, the highest percentage of trains that were late occurred in November.
In the first week of October, about 20% of all trains did not run on time. This figure then rose slightly in the next week before dropping to about 5% in the last week of October. In contrast, approximately half of all trains were late during the second week in November, followed by a slight drop to 40% in the third week.
Starting at only 1% of total trains in the first week, the percentage of trains that were cancelled reached a peak of 7% in the second week, but later dropped back to the initial figure. There was an increasing fluctuation in this figure throughout the rest of the period, with about 4% of total trains being cancelled in the final week.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary commas Original: trains, from a particular company, Suggested revision: trains from a particular company Why it matters: The defining phrase should not be separated from trains by commas.
- 2. Use direct trend verb Original: both witnessed significant fluctuations Suggested revision: both fluctuated significantly Why it matters: Percentages fluctuate; saying they witnessed fluctuations is an awkward collocation.
- 3. Repair subject agreement Original: the highest percentage of train trips were cancelled in October Suggested revision: the cancellation rate peaked in October Why it matters: This avoids making the singular noun percentage agree with the plural verb were.
- 4. Give the exact rise Original: rose slightly Suggested revision: rose to 30% Why it matters: The graph supplies a clear second-week value, and the ten-point rise is more than slight.
- 5. Report closer value Original: approximately half of all trains were late Suggested revision: about 55% of all trains were late Why it matters: The November peak is plotted at roughly 55%, so this is more precise than half.
- 6. Specify the month Original: Starting at only 1% of total trains in the first week Suggested revision: Starting at 1% in the first week of October Why it matters: Naming October prevents the week reference from becoming ambiguous across the two months.
- 7. Specify peak timing Original: reached a peak of 7% in the second week Suggested revision: peaked at 7% in the second week of October Why it matters: The graph identifies this as the second week of October rather than November.
- 8. Describe fluctuation accurately Original: There was an increasing fluctuation in this figure Suggested revision: This figure continued to fluctuate Why it matters: The cancellation rate moved both up and down, so the fluctuation itself did not simply increase.
- 9. Add scale comparison Suggested revision: State that late-running percentages remained much higher than cancellation percentages throughout. Why it matters: This is a major overall contrast between the two graphs that the overview currently omits.
Suggested Rewrites
- trains, from a particular company, trains from a particular company
- both witnessed significant fluctuations both fluctuated significantly
- the highest percentage of train trips were cancelled in October the cancellation rate peaked in October
- rose slightly rose to 30%
- approximately half of all trains were late about 55% of all trains were late
- Starting at only 1% of total trains in the first week Starting at 1% in the first week of October
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and accurately highlights the principal peaks and fluctuations in both measures, while its paragraphing and sentence control make the report easy to follow. The main limitation is selective detail: several intermediate weekly points are omitted and the later cancellation pattern is described vaguely. The highest-priority improvement is to group October and November comparisons more systematically and support each trend with precise figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and principal peaks are accurate, but several weekly values are omitted and the later cancellation movement lacks precise support.
Compare the October and November sequences explicitly and include representative figures for the intermediate points in both graphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically sequenced by measure, with clear paragraphing and cohesive progression from overview to supporting details.
Strengthen the internal organization of each detail paragraph by keeping October and November comparisons in a consistent sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a strong range of trend and comparison vocabulary, although phrases such as 'increasing fluctuation' are not fully precise.
Replace vague trend labels with exact descriptions of rises, falls, peaks, and returns to earlier levels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentences are varied effectively, with consistently strong control and only minor awkwardness.
Polish agreement and clause structure in overview sentences so comparisons between the two percentages remain fully natural.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information on the performance of a train company in October and November in 2008.
Your response
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