The graphs below show the average monthly expenditure on children’s sports and participation in different sports in the UK from 2008 to 2014. Average monthly spending on children’s sports Participation in three different sports
Sample Response
The line graphs depict average monthly spending on children’s sporting activities and the number of children who took part in football, athletics and swimming in the United Kingdom between 2008 and 2014. Overall, monthly spending on children’s sports increased over time and football was the most popular sports among British children. According to the first line chart, 20 million pounds was spent monthly, on an average, in 2008 for British children’s sporting activities which continually went up in the subsequent years. The expenditure in 2011 reached to over 25 million pounds and in 2014, this cost was as high as 32 million pounds approximately. In 2008, roughly 8 million children participated in football while 1 to 2 million in swimming and athletics, making football the most widely played sports in the UK. However, the popularity of swimming grew and in 2014 roughly 3.8 million participants took this activity. With a steady rise in popularity, athletics was taken up by nearly 5 million children in 2014. Football participants range from 8.5 to 9.5 million during this period, considerably higher than the participants in the other two activities. It is worth noticing that more children participated in these sports in 2014 than they did in 2008.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular noun Original: sports Suggested revision: sport Why it matters: Use the singular noun because football is one sport.
- 2. Use standard phrase Original: on an average Suggested revision: on average Why it matters: The standard expression is “on average” without an article.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: for Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Money is spent on an activity, not for an activity in this construction.
- 4. Correct year and value Original: 2011 reached to over 25 million pounds Suggested revision: 2012 reached about 27 million pounds Why it matters: The graph provides a 2012 point of about £27 million rather than a 2011 figure.
- 5. Place approximator first Original: 32 million pounds approximately Suggested revision: approximately 32 million pounds Why it matters: Place the approximator before the quantity for natural data-reporting phrasing.
- 6. Complete phrasal verb Original: participants took Suggested revision: children took up Why it matters: “Take up” is the required phrasal verb for beginning or participating in an activity.
- 7. Describe trend accurately Original: With a steady rise in popularity Suggested revision: After a sharp rise and slight fall Why it matters: Athletics rose sharply to 2012 and then declined slightly by 2014 rather than rising steadily.
- 8. Use concise collocation Original: noticing Suggested revision: noting Why it matters: “Worth noting” is the more natural collocation in an analytical report.
- 9. Identify both visuals Original: line graphs depict Suggested revision: two line graphs show Why it matters: This concise phrase makes the number of visuals explicit.
- 10. Use concise verb Original: took part in Suggested revision: participated in Why it matters: “Participated in” is a concise formal alternative for this report.
- 11. Report amount naturally Original: 20 million pounds was spent monthly Suggested revision: about £20 million was spent per month Why it matters: This wording expresses the approximate monthly figure more naturally.
- 12. Clarify the antecedent Original: activities which continually went up Suggested revision: activities, and this amount continually increased Why it matters: Activities themselves cannot rise here, so the clause should refer clearly to the spending amount.
Suggested Rewrites
- sports sport
- on an average on average
- for on
- 2011 reached to over 25 million pounds 2012 reached about 27 million pounds
- 32 million pounds approximately approximately 32 million pounds
- participants took children took up
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear overview of rising expenditure and football’s continued dominance, supported by several accurate start and end figures. Its main limitation is imprecision in the participation trends, especially describing athletics as a steady rise and overstating the football range; prioritize reporting the sharp athletics jump and exact comparative values from the graphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant figures cover both graphs, but some participation trends and values are imprecisely reported.
Highlight athletics’ sharp rise after 2010 and report football’s actual range of roughly 8 to 9 million.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from the overview to expenditure and participation, although presenting everything in one paragraph weakens organization.
Use separate paragraphs for the overview, spending trend, and participation comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and generally clear, but collocations such as “reached to” and “took this activity” reduce precision.
Use natural data-reporting phrases such as “reached,” “rose to,” and “participated in swimming.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of sentence structures is evident, though agreement, preposition, and tense errors recur without obscuring meaning.
Check singular-plural agreement and maintain past tense consistently when describing the historical figures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the average monthly expenditure on children’s sports and participation in different sports in the UK from 2008 to 2014. Average monthly spending on children’s sports Participation in three different sports
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.