The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.
Sample Response
The given line graph shows the number of cinema-going UK people and classifies these viewers in four age groups. As is observed from the graph, people over 40 years old went to movies more than the younger people of the UK. As is observed from the line graph, the people of 44 to 54 years-old attended cinema more than the people of other age groups who are less than 44 years old. Only 15% of the UK citizens who were between 14 to 24 years old attended in cinema in 1990 while this percentage increased with the increase of age group. In this same year, more than 35% people over 40 years attended the cinema. It is clear from the data that, the people in UK trend to attend cinema more with the increase of their age. The cinema goer’s number increased gradually from 1990 to 2010 except for 1995 to 2000. In 2010, the number of cinema attendees was also dominated by the age group of 44 to 54 and the percentage of cinema attendees from all age groups increased by 5% on an average than the percentages were in 2005.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use percentage Original: number of cinema-going UK people Suggested revision: percentage of UK people attending the cinema Why it matters: The y-axis shows percentages, not raw numbers of people.
- 2. More natural verb Original: classifies these viewers Suggested revision: divides them Why it matters: 'Divides them into age groups' is more natural for this chart.
- 3. Avoid repetition Original: As is observed from the line graph Suggested revision: More specifically, Why it matters: This repeats the previous linking phrase and does not add meaning.
- 4. Age adjective Original: 44 to 54 years-old Suggested revision: 44- to 54-year-olds Why it matters: Use a plural noun form when referring to people in an age group.
- 5. Range preposition Original: between 14 to 24 years old Suggested revision: between 14 and 24 years old Why it matters: Use 'between X and Y', not 'between X to Y'.
- 6. Preposition error Original: attended in cinema Suggested revision: attended the cinema Why it matters: 'Attend' takes a direct object here.
- 7. Add of Original: 35% people Suggested revision: 35% of people Why it matters: Percentages need 'of' before the noun group.
- 8. Verb form Original: the people in UK trend to attend cinema Suggested revision: people in the UK tended to attend the cinema Why it matters: The sentence needs the article 'the' and the verb 'tended'.
- 9. Unnatural phrase Original: cinema goer’s number Suggested revision: cinema attendance Why it matters: The chart is about attendance percentages, not a possessive 'number'.
- 10. Inaccurate data Original: increased by 5% on an average Suggested revision: rose slightly overall, with the largest group still aged 44-54 Why it matters: From 2005 to 2010, the increases were not about 5 percentage points on average.
- 11. Fix introduction Original: The given line graph shows the number of cinema-going UK people and classifies these viewers in four age groups. Suggested revision: The line graph shows the percentage of people in four age groups who attended the cinema in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2010. Why it matters: This matches the chart measure and time period more accurately.
- 12. Make overview concise Original: As is observed from the graph, people over 40 years old went to movies more than the younger people of the UK. Suggested revision: Overall, the two older age groups consistently had higher cinema attendance than the two younger groups. Why it matters: This is a clearer overview and avoids informal wording such as 'went to movies'.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of cinema-going UK people percentage of UK people attending the cinema
- classifies these viewers divides them
- As is observed from the line graph More specifically,
- 44 to 54 years-old 44- to 54-year-olds
- between 14 to 24 years old between 14 and 24 years old
- attended in cinema attended the cinema
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the main age pattern and the general rise over time, but it repeatedly calls percentages 'numbers' and includes an inaccurate final claim about a 5% average rise from 2005 to 2010. It also gives limited exact comparison across all four age groups.
Use percentages consistently and compare the highest and lowest age groups at the start and end of the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has a clear progression from overview to details, but the first two sentences repeat the same overview and some linking is overused. There is no paragraphing in the extracted response.
Divide the response into introduction, overview, and two data-detail paragraphs, removing repeated 'As is observed' phrases.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is understandable but sometimes inaccurate or unnatural, such as 'number of cinema-going UK people', 'trend to attend', and 'cinema goer's number'.
Use natural chart phrases: 'cinema attendance', 'the proportion of people', 'age group', 'rose', 'dipped', and 'remained stable'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally understandable, but there are errors with articles, prepositions, possessives, and subject-verb agreement. Several long sentences need cleaner clause control.
Rewrite long comparisons using simple accurate structures: 'The proportion for X rose from A to B, while Y increased from C to D'.