The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female students studying Computer Science at a UK university over three years. It also indicates whether they were home or international students. Compared to the number of home students, the number of international students was significantly smaller. Nevertheless, there was clear statistical growth in the latter group from 2010-2012. Furthermore, the number of female home students eventually overtook the number of males from the same group, reaching a high of 45 in 2012. The year 2011 saw the most dramatic developments; the number of male home students fell from just below 40 to 24 and the number of females rose from 32 to 44. There was also significant growth in the number of male students from overseas, climbing from 20 in 2010 to 39 in 2012. Overall, we can see an upward trend in the number of students at the university.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: statistical growth Suggested revision: growth Why it matters: Growth already describes the numerical change, so 'statistical' is unnecessary here.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: the latter group Suggested revision: international students Why it matters: Naming the group directly makes the comparison easier to follow.
- 3. Name the category precisely Original: the number of males from the same group Suggested revision: the number of male home students Why it matters: This wording identifies the exact category shown in the chart.
- 4. Use chart vocabulary Original: high Suggested revision: peak Why it matters: 'Peak' is the more precise term for the highest value in a data series.
- 5. Describe the change objectively Original: the most dramatic developments Suggested revision: the largest year-on-year changes Why it matters: The revision states exactly what made 2011 notable in the chart.
- 6. Specify the student group Original: the number of females Suggested revision: the number of female home students Why it matters: The chart separates home and international women, so the category should be explicit.
- 7. Keep labels consistent Original: male students from overseas Suggested revision: male international students Why it matters: Using the chart's category label keeps terminology consistent.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, we can see an upward trend in the number of students at the university. Suggested revision: Overall, total enrolment rose, with home students remaining the larger group and international enrolment increasing for both men and women. Why it matters: A more specific overview captures the chart's dominant comparison and broad trends.
- 9. Separate overview and details Suggested revision: Place the overview after the introduction, then start a separate details paragraph for the yearly figures and comparisons. Why it matters: Clear paragraphing would distinguish the main trends from supporting data.
Suggested Rewrites
- statistical growth growth
- the latter group international students
- the number of males from the same group the number of male home students
- high peak
- the most dramatic developments the largest year-on-year changes
- the number of females the number of female home students
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response accurately identifies the main trends and supports them with well-chosen figures, while its language is controlled and varied. Its main limitation is that the description is compressed into one paragraph and leaves the recovery in male home-student numbers and the steady rise among international women largely implicit. Organising the overview and details separately while broadening comparative coverage would make the report more complete and easier to follow.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear overview and accurately highlights major changes with relevant figures from the chart.
Add the rebound in male home-student numbers and the steady increase among international women for more complete coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through the main comparisons, and cohesive references generally make relationships clear.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons so the report's structure is more immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise for describing trends, categories, proportions, and changes over time.
Replace slightly unnatural phrasing such as statistical growth with a more direct expression such as steady growth.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately with strong control of punctuation and agreement.
Maintain this control while varying sentence openings to make the sequence of comparisons feel less formulaic.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.