The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides information about how three various sectors (agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial services) contributed to the economy of the UK percentage-wise between 1900 and 2000.
Overall, the manufacturing sector experienced a downward trend, while business and financial services showed upward. The agriculture sector had some fluctuations. Although business and financial services initially had a lower rate, it outraced agriculture and manufacturing at the end of the period.
The agricultural segment contributed almost a half of the percentage in 1900 and went up slightly by around 4% in the next half-decade. However, it declined remarkably up to a one-tenth by the year 1975 and hitting a low-point merely around 2% in 2000.
In the year 1900, contribution by trade and financial services was just about 3%, and it rose marginally to approximately 10% in 1950. It further increased by 10% in next twenty-five years, when about a one-third of proportion was made up by manufacturing units. Business and financial services reversed the situation in a century and largely contributed to the UK economy at around 38% in the year 2000.
Contribution by manufacturing sector was about 45% at the beginning of the period, and it experienced gradual decline approximately up to 18% in 2000, over the period of 100 years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the trend phrase Original: showed upward Suggested revision: showed an upward trend Why it matters: The adjective upward needs a noun here.
- 2. Use comparison verb Original: outraced Suggested revision: overtook Why it matters: Overtook is the appropriate verb for one sector rising above the others.
- 3. Name the sector accurately Original: contribution by trade and financial services Suggested revision: the contribution of business and financial services Why it matters: The chart labels this sector business and financial services, not trade and financial services.
- 4. Correct the initial value Original: 3 Suggested revision: 5 Why it matters: The bar for business and financial services in 1900 is approximately 5%.
- 5. Fix proportion phrase Original: about a one-third of proportion Suggested revision: about one third of the total Why it matters: This is the grammatical way to express the manufacturing share.
- 6. Correct the final value Original: 38 Suggested revision: 35 Why it matters: The 2000 bar for business and financial services is approximately 35%.
- 7. Correct manufacturing value Original: approximately up to 18% Suggested revision: to approximately 15% Why it matters: Manufacturing contributes about 15% in 2000 according to the chart.
- 8. Use adjective form Original: agriculture Suggested revision: agricultural Why it matters: Agricultural is the correct adjective before sector.
- 9. Specify the pattern Original: had some fluctuations Suggested revision: rose slightly before falling sharply Why it matters: This wording identifies the direction of agriculture's changes shown by the bars.
- 10. Name the starting rank Original: initially had a lower rate Suggested revision: initially made the smallest contribution Why it matters: Contribution is the relevant measure, and the sector begins as the smallest.
- 11. Use concise date phrase Original: In the year 1900 Suggested revision: In 1900 Why it matters: The shorter date expression is more natural in data reporting.
- 12. Add the article Original: in next twenty-five years Suggested revision: in the next twenty-five years Why it matters: The definite article is required before this specified period.
Suggested Rewrites
- showed upward showed an upward trend
- outraced overtook
- contribution by trade and financial services the contribution of business and financial services
- 3 5
- about a one-third of proportion about one third of the total
- 38 35
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear overview and traces the contrasting directions of all three sectors, supported by several relevant figures. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in descriptions of time, proportions, and change, compounded by noticeable grammatical awkwardness. The highest-priority improvement is to verify each period and value against the chart, then express comparisons with conventional, grammatically complete phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview captures the main sector trends and the response covers the full period, though some time references and figures are imprecise.
Check each year and endpoint carefully, replacing half-decade with half-century and reporting the 1975 and 2000 proportions exactly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised around the overview and individual sectors with clear overall progression, despite one manufacturing detail being misplaced in the services paragraph.
Keep every sector's figures within its own paragraph and use direct comparisons between sectors at the same year.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to describe trends, but frequent awkward choices such as showed upward, outraced, and a one-third of proportion reduce precision.
Use established trend collocations such as rose, overtook, accounted for, and fell to when describing changes and proportions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but article, preposition, and verb-form errors recur even though meaning remains clear.
Edit sentence boundaries and dependent clauses, particularly constructions such as while services rose and it declined before hitting a low.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.