The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
Sample Response
The bar chart shows the unemployment rates among women in the countries that make up the United Kingdom, both in 2013 and in 2014. There has generally been a small decrease in female unemployment rates from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland.
In 2013, 5.6% of women in Northern Ireland were unemployed. The only country with a smaller percentage of women unemployed was Wales, with a rate of 5.4%. Both countries saw a decrease in the percentage of unemployed women in 2014. In Northern Ireland, the percentage fell to 4.6% and in Wales it fell to 5%.
England had the greatest percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6.8%. However, this decreased by 0.3% in 2014. Lastly, Scotland was the only country which had an increasing percentage of unemployed women. In 2013, it had 6.1% of women out of work. This increased to 6.7% in 2014, making it the country with the highest female unemployment rate of the four countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: unemployment rates among women Suggested revision: female unemployment rates Why it matters: The standard measure name is more concise and precise.
- 2. Use past tense Original: has generally been Suggested revision: was generally Why it matters: The chart reports two completed years, so the simple past is appropriate.
- 3. Use chart terminology Original: percentage of women unemployed Suggested revision: female unemployment rate Why it matters: This phrase names the measured rate more directly.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: Both countries saw a decrease Suggested revision: Both countries saw decreases Why it matters: Each country experienced its own decrease, so the plural is clearer.
- 5. Use concise measure Original: percentage of unemployed women in 2014 Suggested revision: female unemployment rate in 2014 Why it matters: The replacement states the chart measure more efficiently.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: greatest Suggested revision: highest Why it matters: Percentages are conventionally described as high or low.
- 7. Use percentage points Original: by 0.3% Suggested revision: by 0.3 percentage points Why it matters: A fall from 6.8% to 6.5% is 0.3 percentage points.
- 8. Clarify the increase Original: which had an increasing percentage Suggested revision: where the female unemployment rate increased Why it matters: The replacement expresses the change with a complete and natural clause.
- 9. Sharpen the overview Suggested revision: Add that England had the highest rate in 2013, while Scotland ranked highest in 2014. Why it matters: This comparison would identify the change in the leading country across the two years.
Suggested Rewrites
- unemployment rates among women female unemployment rates
- has generally been was generally
- percentage of women unemployed female unemployment rate
- Both countries saw a decrease Both countries saw decreases
- percentage of unemployed women in 2014 female unemployment rate in 2014
- greatest highest
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear overview and accurately reports all major figures, with effective comparisons between countries and years. Its main limitation is some repetitive language and a few slightly awkward percentage expressions, though these do not impede clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to vary the language used for unemployment levels and changes while retaining the same precise data coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate coverage of all four countries and both years provide a strong, well-selected account of the chart.
Strengthen the overview further by explicitly identifying both the overall highest and lowest figures across the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organised into a concise overview and well-focused detail paragraphs, with clear progression throughout.
Use a slightly wider range of referencing and comparison structures to make links between the countries even more fluid.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is accurate and appropriate for describing rates and changes, although references to unemployed women and percentages are somewhat repetitive.
Vary repeated expressions with precise alternatives such as female joblessness, the proportion out of work, and the rate declined.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex sentences is used with strong control and only minor awkwardness in percentage phrasing.
Prefer forms such as stood at 6.8% or fell by 0.3 percentage points for greater grammatical and statistical precision.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.