The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
Sample Response
The bar chart shows the unemployment rates among women in the countries that make up the United Kingdom, both in 2013 and in 2014. There has generally been a small decrease in female unemployment rates from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland. In 2013, 5.6% of women in Northern Ireland were unemployed. The only country with a smaller percentage of women unemployed was Wales, with a rate of 5.4%. Both countries saw a decrease in the percentage of unemployed women in 2014. In Northern Ireland, the percentage fell to 4.6% and in Wales it fell to 5%. England had the greatest percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6.8%. However, this decreased by 0.3% in 2014. Lastly, Scotland was the only country which had an increasing percentage of unemployed women. In 2013, it had 6.1% of women out of work. This increased to 6.7% in 2014, making it the country with the highest female unemployment rate of the four countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise term Original: unemployment rates among women Suggested revision: female unemployment rates Why it matters: This standard term expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 2. Name the full set Original: countries that make up the United Kingdom Suggested revision: four countries of the United Kingdom Why it matters: The revision is more direct and matches the chart's complete four-country coverage.
- 3. Remove needless pairing Original: both in 2013 and in 2014 Suggested revision: in 2013 and 2014 Why it matters: The simpler coordination is grammatically complete and less repetitive.
- 4. Use past tense Original: There has generally been Suggested revision: Overall, there was Why it matters: A finished comparison between two past years requires the past tense rather than the present perfect.
- 5. Use rate terminology Original: smaller percentage of women unemployed Suggested revision: lower female unemployment rate Why it matters: Rates are conventionally described as higher or lower, making this comparison more precise.
- 6. Use higher percentage Original: greatest Suggested revision: highest Why it matters: Highest is the natural comparative adjective for a percentage.
- 7. Clarify the change Original: had an increasing percentage of unemployed women Suggested revision: recorded an increase in female unemployment Why it matters: The revision describes the year-to-year rise more naturally and directly.
- 8. Separate overview and details Suggested revision: Place the overview in its own paragraph, then group the countries with falling rates separately from Scotland's increase. Why it matters: Dividing the single block by function would make the comparisons easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- unemployment rates among women female unemployment rates
- countries that make up the United Kingdom four countries of the United Kingdom
- both in 2013 and in 2014 in 2013 and 2014
- There has generally been Overall, there was
- smaller percentage of women unemployed lower female unemployment rate
- greatest highest
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear, accurate overview and supports it with all eight country-year figures, while highlighting Scotland's contrasting rise and the changes in ranking. Its main weakness is presentation: the whole report is written as one paragraph, and repeated wording slightly limits fluency. Divide the overview and detailed comparisons into purposeful paragraphs, then vary language for rates and changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is accurate and every country is covered with correct figures, changes, and relevant comparisons.
Refine the overview by also noting that England and Scotland had the highest rates across the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear country-by-country progression, but presenting everything in one paragraph weakens the visible organization.
Separate the overview from the supporting detail and group the falling rates apart from Scotland's increase.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is accurate and appropriate for describing unemployment data, though percentage and unemployment wording is repeated frequently.
Vary repeated references with precise alternatives such as rate, proportion, decline, and rise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are varied and well controlled, with accurate comparison, subordination, and tense use throughout.
Maintain this control while using a wider range of concise comparative structures to reduce repetition.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.