The graph below shows the number of marriages in the UK from 1951 to 2001.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line chart illustrates the number of different types of marriagesdifferent marriage statuses in the UK between 1951 and 2001.
Overall, Deleteit is obvious that only the number of remarriages increased by the end of 2001 compared to 1951. The number of all and first marriages witnessed a downward trend and peaked inat 1971. However, all marriages remained the highest overallall marriages had the largest number, whereas remarriages accounted for the smallest figureproportion.
Looking at the figures in detail,In detail, all marriages began at just over 400,000 in 19511051, before rising toincreasing and reaching theirits highest point at about 460,000 in 1971, followed by a decline to around 385,000 by 2001eventually 380,000. When it comes to first marriages, theyit rose slightly from 340,000 to roughly 350,000 between 1951 and 1971in the first three decades from 1951 before dropping steadilyplummeting to roughly 260,000nearly 360,000 in 2001. Regarding the number of remarriagesremarriages population, it remained relatively stable at around 150,000stabilized at 150,000 from 1951 to 1981, which increased to over 200,000 in 2001.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively identifies key trends and provides a clear overview paragraph comparing the three marriage categories. However, key data reporting suffers from inaccuracies, such as mistaking 260,000 for 360,000 in 2001 and typing '1051' instead of '1951'. Carefully proofreading figures against the visual source will deliver the most significant score improvement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents an clear overall trend, but key statistics are reported inaccurately.
Double-check numerical data against the chart carefully to avoid critical mistakes like reporting 360,000 instead of 260,000.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged logically into clear paragraphs with a cohesive overall progression.
Vary cohesive devices beyond basic transition phrases to connect detailed data points more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
An adequate range of vocabulary is used to describe trends, though minor phrasing errors occur.
Refine word choices and noun phrases to avoid unnatural collocations like 'remarriages population'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted with generally clear meaning despite localized errors.
Ensure accuracy in prepositions and pronoun agreement when introducing subject trends.