& Table The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009.
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates what nursing graduates in the UK in 2009 chose to do after graduating, while the table provides details about the career choices of those who worked in the health sector.
Overall, the large majority of students chose to work in the healthcare industry after graduating from their nursing courses, and of those who decided on this career path, the majority of them worked as hospital nurses.
In 2009, 84% of nursing graduates in the UK went on to work in the health sector, while 2% decided to continue their education and keep studying. 8% of graduates chose to continue studying and worked at the same time, while 4% of graduates were unemployed. 2% of graduates chose other paths.
Of those who went on to work in the healthcare industry, 72% of them opted to work as hospital nurses, while 12.4% became midwives. 10.3% became community nurses, and 0.4% mental nurses. 1.3% became paramedics, while the remaining 2.7% chose other career paths.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: An indefinite article is more natural when introducing this proportion.
- 2. Use accurate group label Original: students Suggested revision: graduates Why it matters: The visual concerns nursing graduates, so this term is more precise than “students.”
- 3. Remove wordy repetition Original: the majority of them worked Suggested revision: most worked Why it matters: The shorter form avoids repeating “majority” and removes the unnecessary pronoun.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: continue their education and keep studying Suggested revision: continue their studies Why it matters: Both original phrases express the same idea, so one concise phrase is sufficient.
- 5. Use parallel construction Original: chose to continue studying and worked at the same time Suggested revision: combined work and study Why it matters: The revision expresses the combined destination with consistent grammatical form.
- 6. Correct hospital figure Original: 72% of them opted Suggested revision: 72.9% opted Why it matters: The table gives 72.9% for hospital nurses, so rounding it to 72% is inaccurate.
- 7. Add missing verb Original: 0.4% mental nurses Suggested revision: 0.4% became mental nurses Why it matters: A finite verb is required to complete this clause.
- 8. Group smaller categories Suggested revision: Combine the three smaller destinations into one comparative sentence instead of repeating separate “graduates chose” statements. Why it matters: Grouping related minor categories would make the description more concise and improve progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- the a
- students graduates
- the majority of them worked most worked
- continue their education and keep studying continue their studies
- chose to continue studying and worked at the same time combined work and study
- 72% of them opted 72.9% opted
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers virtually all categories from both visuals in an efficient, logically sequenced report. Its main limitation is precision: the hospital-nurse figure is reported as 72% rather than 72.9%, and some vocabulary and sentence patterns are repeated. The highest-priority improvement is to check every numerical label carefully while varying the language used for proportions and choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals are fully addressed with a strong overview and accurate key figures apart from the minor rounding of 72.9% to 72%.
Copy decimal values exactly from the table so that an otherwise comprehensive account is fully precise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, and the response moves smoothly from an overview to the pie-chart and table details.
Refine the internal flow by reducing repeated “while” constructions and linking closely related figures more flexibly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is accurate and suitably varied overall, though “graduates,” “chose,” and “career paths” recur noticeably.
Vary repeated reporting language with precise alternatives such as “entered,” “pursued,” “accounted for,” and “represented.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex comparative structures accurately and maintains strong control of sentence formation throughout.
Polish the elliptical phrase about mental nurses by supplying a clear verb and continue varying clause patterns.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
& Table The chart and table below give information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.