The graphs below show the changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.

Sample Response

1

The two graphs illustrate the value and employment changes in UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.

2

Overall, the values of total UK demand and UK production continued to decrease, and then remainedretained stable, whereas the value of import kept rising. At the same time, the employments status in UK steel industry continued to drop to different extents during the period.

3

The value of demand was approximately 200,000 in 1970, the highest value during the period. The value of demand dropped in the first decade, then declined faster in the next decade, from nearly 180,000 to 110,000. At last, it declined to around 100,000. Furthermore,What's more, the value of production also declined substantiallyfell a lot, from approximately 170,000 in 1970 to around 80,000nearly 70,000 in 2000. However, the value of import continued to increase from around 10,000 in 1970 to approximately 75,000nearly 60,000 in 2000.

4

DeleteDue to the increase of steel import value and the decrease of steel demand and production values, the number of employeesdemand for the employees declined significantly. In 1970, there were about 50,000 people in the steel industryin steel industry. However, Deletewith the decrease of steel demand, the number of workers fellthe employments status dropped. The decline during the second decade was about twice as large as that during the first decade, 10,000 people decreased in the first decade from 50,000 to 40,000, while nearly 20,000 people dropped in the second decade from 40,000 to about 20,000. At last, it fell to approximately 18,000 in 2000.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

文章准确概括了两个图表的主要趋势与关键数据,整体结构清晰且回应了图表任务。主要不足在于部分数据读取不够精准,且存在串句(comma splice)及个别词汇搭配不当的情况。建议加强句式表达的准确性与丰富度,并进一步提升图表数据的精准度。

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TA

任务完成度

7.0
Scoring rule

文章包含清晰的概述段落,涵盖了需求量、生产量、进口量及就业人数的主要变化趋势与关键数据。

Next step

请注意核对个别终点数据的准确性,例如2000年的进口数值更接近75,000而非60,000。

CC

连贯与衔接

6.0
Scoring rule

文章段落分工明确,信息推进逻辑合理,但部分衔接词的使用略显机械。

Next step

多使用多样化的逻辑连接词和主语替换,避免重复使用同一句式进行段落衔接。

LR

词汇资源

6.0
Scoring rule

词汇量足够描述数据起伏与对比,但在词汇搭配上存在个别不地道或不准确的现象。

Next step

积累并使用更地道的数据描述词汇与搭配,如将“retained stable”替换为“remained stable”。

GRA

语法多样性与准确性

6.0
Scoring rule

能够运用简单句和复合句进行数据比较,但存在逗号拼接句子(comma splice)等语法瑕疵。

Next step

注意标点符号与连接词的规范使用,避免将两个完整独立句仅用逗号连接。

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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1

The graphs below show the changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.

Your response

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