The graphs below show the changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.
Sample Response
The two graphs illustrate the value and employment changes in UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.
Overall, the values of total UK demand and UK production continued to decrease, and then remainedretained stable, whereas the value of import kept rising. At the same time, employment levelsthe employments status in UK steel industry experienced a continuous declinecontinued to drop to different extents during the period.
The value of demand was approximately 200,000 in 1970, the highest value during the period. Total demand saw a moderate fall in the first decade, before experiencing a steeper drop from roughly 180,000 to 110,000 during the 1980s. Finally, it declinedAt last, it declined to around 100,000. Moreover, the value of production also experienced a substantial drop from around 165,000approximately 170,000 in 1970 to nearly 80,000 in 2000. However, the level of imports rose steadilyvalue of import continued to increase from around 10,000 in 1970 to nearly 75,000 in 2000.
Employment in the sectorThe demand for the employees declined significantly. In 1970, there were about 50,000 people in the steel industryin steel industry. However, the number of workers dropped. The decline during the second decade was about twice as large as that during the first decade, falling by 10,000 in the first decade from 50,000 to 40,00010,000 people decreased in the first decade from 50,000 to 40,000, while the workforce contracted by a further 20,000nearly 20,000 people dropped in the second decade from 40,000 to about 20,000. Eventually, it fellAt last, it fell to approximately 18,000 in 2000.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively highlights key trends and supports them with accurate figures from both visual graphs, presenting a clear summary overall. The main limitation lies in awkward grammatical constructions and inaccurate word combinations when describing numerical changes. To improve, focus on using precise verbs for data commentary and ensuring complex sentences are properly structured with correct conjunctions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends are clearly identified in an effective overview, and relevant figures are selected and compared accurately from both charts.
Enhance key comparisons between related figures, such as contrasting the rise in imports against the sharp drop in local UK production.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically into clear paragraphs with a smooth progression from visual trends to detailed data.
Vary cohesive devices beyond basic transition words to create smoother transitions between sentence points.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of vocabulary for describing trends and changes is used, though occasional word choice errors occur.
Refine precise collocations and terminology used for describing statistics, avoiding expressions like 'retained stable' or 'demand for employees'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but comma splices and awkward phrasing reduce overall grammatical accuracy.
Practice structuring complex sentences correctly using appropriate subordinate clauses rather than connecting independent clauses with simple commas.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000.
Your response
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