The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
Sample Response
The graphs illustrate the production and demand for steel in million tonnes, along with the number of workers employed in the UK steel industry in 2010.
Overall, steel production consistently exceeded actual demand across the year, with significant fluctuations observed in both metrics. Employment numbers also varied widely, showing a general decline over the twelve-month period.
Steel production peaked at 5000 million tonnes in February but dropped dramatically to just 900 million tonnes by December. Meanwhile, demand was highest in March and June, at 3000 million tonnes, but later dropped to zero in November. Despite these variations, production levels remained relatively stable from January to June, averaging around 4000 million tonnes. The latter half of the year saw more volatility, with production dropping sharply towards the end of the year. Notably, December was the only month in which the amount of steel produced was lower than the demand at 900 and 2000 million tonnes respectively.
Regarding employment figures, the number of workers started high in January at 5000 but saw a significant decline over the year, reaching the lowest point of 1000 in December. February had the highest employment at 5500 workers, which then steadily decreased. The workforce fluctuated slightly in the summer months at between 2500 and 3500 but continued to decline overall, dropping to the lowest number of just 1000 in December.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Qualify the overview Original: consistently exceeded actual demand across the year Suggested revision: exceeded actual demand for most of the year Why it matters: Production falls below demand in December, so the original claim is too absolute.
- 2. Correct the stable period Original: remained relatively stable from January to June, averaging around 4000 million tonnes Suggested revision: remained close to 4,000 million tonnes from March to July Why it matters: The February peak makes January-to-June an inaccurate description of the stable period.
- 3. Clarify paired figures Original: lower than the demand at 900 and 2000 million tonnes respectively Suggested revision: lower than demand, at 900 and 2,000 million tonnes respectively Why it matters: Removing the article and adding a comma makes the pairing of production and demand figures clearer.
- 4. Use a natural subject Original: the number of workers started high in January at 5000 Suggested revision: the workforce stood at a high 5,000 in January Why it matters: A workforce can stand at a figure, whereas a number does not naturally start high.
- 5. Remove double preposition Original: in the summer months at between 2500 and 3500 Suggested revision: between 2,500 and 3,500 during the summer months Why it matters: Use between directly without the redundant preposition at.
- 6. Avoid repeated wording Original: dropping to the lowest number of just 1000 in December Suggested revision: ending at 1,000 in December Why it matters: The lowest December figure has already been stated earlier in the paragraph.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Meanwhile, demand was highest in March and June, at 3000 million tonnes, but later dropped to zero in November. Suggested revision: Meanwhile, demand peaked at 3,000 million tonnes in March, reached just under 3,000 million tonnes in June, and then fell to zero in November. Why it matters: The graph shows the March point above the June point, so they should not be reported as equal peaks.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: February had the highest employment at 5500 workers, which then steadily decreased. Suggested revision: Employment peaked at 5,500 workers in February, fell sharply in March, and then fluctuated before declining again after August. Why it matters: The workforce rises in parts of spring and summer rather than decreasing steadily after February.
- 9. Clarify the unit Suggested revision: State the employment graph's unit explicitly when introducing its figures and use that unit consistently throughout the paragraph. Why it matters: Explicit units would make the workforce data easier to interpret accurately.
Suggested Rewrites
- consistently exceeded actual demand across the year exceeded actual demand for most of the year
- remained relatively stable from January to June, averaging around 4000 million tonnes remained close to 4,000 million tonnes from March to July
- lower than the demand at 900 and 2000 million tonnes respectively lower than demand, at 900 and 2,000 million tonnes respectively
- the number of workers started high in January at 5000 the workforce stood at a high 5,000 in January
- in the summer months at between 2500 and 3500 between 2,500 and 3,500 during the summer months
- dropping to the lowest number of just 1000 in December ending at 1,000 in December
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is clearly organised and uses a broad, precise range of language to describe both charts, with most figures and trends reported accurately. Its main limitation is the inaccurate overview claim that production always exceeded demand, despite December showing the reverse; prioritise making the overview fully consistent with the data and distinguishing steady falls from the workforce's intervening fluctuations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers both charts with a clear overview and plentiful accurate data, but its claim that production consistently exceeded demand contradicts the December figures.
Revise the overview to state that production was generally higher than demand except in December, and describe the workforce decline without implying it was continuous.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided between the steel and employment charts, and progression within each paragraph is consistently easy to follow.
Tighten the sequencing of the employment description so the overall decline and the summer fluctuations are presented as one coherent pattern.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports fluent reporting of peaks, declines, volatility, averages, and comparisons.
Refine a few trend descriptions, particularly words such as 'stable' and 'steadily', so their precision matches the plotted movement exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and its rare minor lapses do not impede communication.
Maintain this range while checking long comparative sentences for the clearest possible attachment of figures and referents.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graphs below show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.