The bar chart illustrates the number of people in the UK eating more than 5 portions of vegetables and fish per day.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates statistics concerning individuals in the UK consuming 5 or more portions of vegetables and fish per day from 2011 to 2017. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that percentages for women, children and men all rose over the period and women had the highest numbers throughout. The increase for children, comparatively, was modest.
Women began the period with 20% consuming more than 5 portions of vegetables and fish a day and this figure was stable until 2013 when it began to rise precipitously to eventually reach a high of 36% in 2016, before a fall to 30% to end the period. The numbers for males finished slightly lower at 26%, however their growth was steadier, rising in each year besides 2016 from a starting point of 16% in 2011.
The figures for children were much lower to begin (10%), preceding a relative surge to 14% the next year. Percentages then fluctuated around 14% and finished at a peak of 15% by the end of the period.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure directly Original: statistics concerning individuals Suggested revision: the percentages of people Why it matters: The chart presents percentages, so this wording is more precise.
- 2. Match the threshold Original: 5 or more portions Suggested revision: more than 5 portions Why it matters: The chart counts people eating more than five portions, excluding exactly five.
- 3. Use percentage terminology Original: numbers Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: Percentage is the specific measure displayed on the vertical axis.
- 4. Use neutral trend language Original: precipitously Suggested revision: sharply Why it matters: Sharply describes the sizeable rise in a more neutral academic register.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: to eventually reach Suggested revision: to reach Why it matters: Eventually is unnecessary because the year of the peak is already given.
- 6. Name the group measure Original: The numbers for males Suggested revision: The percentage for men Why it matters: This phrasing matches both the chart label and the percentage measure.
- 7. Fix comma splice Original: 26%, however Suggested revision: 26%; however, Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before the conjunctive adverb joining two independent clauses.
- 8. Use correct exception word Original: besides Suggested revision: except Why it matters: Except clearly identifies the single year that does not follow the stated pattern.
- 9. Use concise comparison Original: much lower to begin Suggested revision: much lower initially Why it matters: Initially expresses the time reference more concisely.
- 10. Fix the sequence structure Original: preceding a relative surge to 14% Suggested revision: before rising sharply to 14% Why it matters: The original participle incorrectly makes the figures the agent that precedes the rise.
Suggested Rewrites
- statistics concerning individuals the percentages of people
- 5 or more portions more than 5 portions
- numbers percentage
- precipitously sharply
- to eventually reach to reach
- The numbers for males The percentage for men
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a concise, well-selected account with a precise overview and accurate comparisons across all three groups. The main limitation is occasional imprecision in wording, such as using 'numbers' for percentages and slightly overstating the pace of change with 'precipitously.' Prioritise consistently precise statistical nouns and neutral trend language to make an already strong report more exact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately selects the main values, rankings, and changes for all three groups.
Refine the account further by describing the 2016 dip for men and children with consistently exact percentage terminology.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is concise, logically grouped, and easy to follow, with effective progression from the overview to detailed comparisons.
Keep comparison wording tightly attached to its referent, especially when shifting from women to men within one paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise overall, with only occasional overstatement or loose statistical wording.
Replace 'numbers' with 'percentages' and use a more measured verb than 'rise precipitously' for the gradual multi-year increase.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately and fluently, with only minor awkwardness that does not affect clarity.
Polish compressed phrases such as 'before a fall to 30% to end the period' into smoother, fully explicit clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart illustrates the number of people in the UK eating more than 5 portions of vegetables and fish per day.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.