The table gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.
Sample Response
The table shows data about the underground rail networks in six major cities.
The table compares the six networks in terms of their age, size and the number of people who use them each year. It is clear that the three oldest underground systems are larger and serve significantly more passengers than the newer systems.
The London underground is the oldest system, having opened in 1863. It is also the largest system, with 394 kilometres of route. The second largest system, in Paris, is only about half the size of the London underground, with 199 kilometres of route. However, it serves more people per year. While only third in terms of size, the Tokyo system is easily the most used, with 1927 million passengers per year.
Of the three newer networks, the Washington DC underground is the most extensive, with 126 kilometres of route, compared to only 11 kilometres and 28 kilometres for the Kyoto and Los Angeles systems. The Los Angeles network is the newest, having opened in 2001, while the Kyoto network is the smallest and serves only 45 million passengers per year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise phrasing Original: shows data about Suggested revision: provides information about Why it matters: This phrasing is more precise and appropriately formal for a table description.
- 2. Name the measures Original: their age, size Suggested revision: their opening dates, route lengths Why it matters: These terms identify the table's actual measures more precisely.
- 3. Clarify annual use Original: significantly more passengers Suggested revision: many more passengers annually Why it matters: Adding the time basis makes the overview comparison more exact.
- 4. Improve sentence flow Original: The second largest system, in Paris, Suggested revision: The Paris system, the second largest, Why it matters: Leading with the city creates a smoother link to the previous London comparison.
- 5. Use formal comparison Original: easily the most used Suggested revision: by far the busiest Why it matters: Busiest is a more natural formal term for the network with the highest passenger total.
- 6. Format the figure Original: 1927 million Suggested revision: 1,927 million Why it matters: A thousands separator makes this four-digit figure easier to read.
- 7. Refine the name Original: Washington DC underground Suggested revision: Washington, D.C. system Why it matters: This form is more concise and uses conventional punctuation for the city name.
- 8. Tighten the comparison Original: with 126 kilometres of route, compared to only 11 kilometres and 28 kilometres Suggested revision: at 126 kilometres, compared with 11 and 28 kilometres Why it matters: The revision removes repetition while preserving the comparison accurately.
- 9. Support passenger comparison Suggested revision: Add the London and Paris annual passenger figures when comparing the older systems. Why it matters: The exact values would substantiate the claim that Paris carries more passengers than London.
- 10. Compare newer usage Suggested revision: Include the Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles passenger figures to sharpen the comparison among the newer systems. Why it matters: The paragraph currently gives only Kyoto's passenger total, limiting the usage comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- shows data about provides information about
- their age, size their opening dates, route lengths
- significantly more passengers many more passengers annually
- The second largest system, in Paris, The Paris system, the second largest,
- easily the most used by far the busiest
- 1927 million 1,927 million
Why this response received Band 8.5
This is a highly effective report with an accurate overview, well-selected comparisons, and precise use of the table's figures. Its only real limitation is that a few secondary details, such as Los Angeles's annual passenger total, are omitted, although this does not weaken the main trends. For further refinement, include one additional comparison among the newer systems while maintaining the same concise focus.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately selects and compares nearly all of the table's key features.
Add one concise comparison of the remaining passenger figures, especially Los Angeles, for even more complete coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overall pattern to the older systems and then the newer networks, with cohesive links used naturally.
For maximum precision, make the shift from size comparisons to passenger comparisons slightly more explicit within the third paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A strong range of precise vocabulary, including terms such as "most extensive" and "serves significantly more passengers," conveys the data naturally.
Continue broadening the range of comparison phrases while avoiding unnecessary repetition of "system" and "route."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation throughout.
Maintain this excellent control while experimenting with equally concise alternative comparative structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.