The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The pie charts compare three meals and snacksfour categories of meals and snacks in which three kinds of nutrients are consumed by an average Americanthat an average American consumes the three kinds of nutrients, which may be unhealthy if overeaten.
Overall, it is noticeable that dinner accounts for the highest percentagesaccounts the top percentages of sodium and saturated fat, while people are more likely to consume added sugar in snacks. Also, lunch takes the second highest proportions across the four categoriesin 4 kinds of meals and snacks, and all three nutrients are consumed in similar proportions at breakfast.
For sodium and saturated fat, dinner supplies 43%people take 43% and 37% respectivelyrepectively at dinner, ranking highest in bothin dinner, ranging highest in both, while the equivalent figure for added sugar is 42% consumed in snacks. By contrast, added sugar consumed in dinner accountsaccount for 23% of the total amountof whole amount.
Meanwhile, breakfast accounts for consistent proportionstakes average proportions in three categories of nutrients, roughly 14%-16% of each whole amount. Furthermore, lunch displaysdisplay a pattern quite similar todinner. Accounting for a notable percentageAccounting a notable percentage in sodium (29%) and saturated fat (26%), the consumptionconsumpion in lunch accounts for only 19% of added sugar.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response effectively presents key visual data, featuring a clear overview and accurate comparisons of the main trends across meal types. To improve, the writing needs greater grammatical control around verb complementation and preposition usage. Focusing on reducing minor grammatical and spelling slips will help achieve a higher overall band.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and key figures are accurately highlighted, including a clear overview of dominant nutrients by meal.
Ensure all key percentages are explicitly linked to their correct meal categories without minor phrase ambiguity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs with clear overall progression.
Vary connective phrases to avoid relying on repetitive sentence starters like 'by contrast' and 'meanwhile'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally appropriate for reporting visual data, though some word choices and spelling errors occur.
Correct spelling errors such as 'repectively' and practice using precise collocations for reporting percentages.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but frequent minor grammatical errors are present.
Focus on correct verb patterns and prepositions, such as 'accounts for' rather than 'accounts the'.