The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2016. Academic staff percentages in faculties, by gender, 2016
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the ratio of male and female academic personnel in different departments of a university in 2016. A glance at the graph reveals that the proportion of male academics in Engineering, science, law and business was higher while there were more female staffs in faculties like arts, education and medicine. According to the illustration, engineering faculties was predominated by male instructors in 2016 as 85% of them were males. Law, business and science faculties also had a higher number of male academics, approximately six out of ten academic staffs were male. Interestingly, a similar percentage of staffs from both genders were employed in the faculty of medicine in this university. Looking further, arts and education faculties of this university had far more female teachers than that of males. In education faculty, more than seven in ten active academics were female. Female staff’s dominance is obvious in the faculty of Arts as well and their ratio was roughly 60%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name measure accurately Original: ratio of male and female academic personnel Suggested revision: percentages of male and female academic staff Why it matters: The chart reports separate percentages rather than a male-to-female ratio.
- 2. Use chart category Original: departments Suggested revision: faculties Why it matters: The chart groups staff by faculty, not department.
- 3. Standardize capitalization Original: Engineering Suggested revision: engineering Why it matters: Faculty names used generically should have consistent lowercase capitalization.
- 4. Use uncountable staff Original: staffs Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: Staff is uncountable when referring collectively to employees.
- 5. Use formal examples Original: faculties like Suggested revision: faculties such as Why it matters: Such as is more appropriate for formal exemplification.
- 6. Fix number and verb Original: engineering faculties was predominated Suggested revision: the engineering faculty was dominated Why it matters: The chart shows one faculty, and dominated is the correct passive verb.
- 7. Clarify percentage group Original: 85% of them were males Suggested revision: 85% of its staff were male Why it matters: The revision gives the percentage a clear referent and uses male adjectivally.
- 8. Use staff correctly Original: staffs Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: Staff is uncountable in this collective sense.
- 9. Make comparison precise Original: from both genders Suggested revision: of each gender Why it matters: Of each gender more directly describes the two nearly equal percentages.
- 10. Fix gender comparison Original: far more female teachers than that of males Suggested revision: considerably more female than male academics Why it matters: The revision compares parallel groups without the faulty that of construction.
- 11. Add definite article Original: In education faculty Suggested revision: In the education faculty Why it matters: The named faculty requires the definite article.
- 12. Avoid unsupported qualifier Original: active academics Suggested revision: academic staff Why it matters: The chart identifies staff by gender but does not distinguish active personnel.
Suggested Rewrites
- ratio of male and female academic personnel percentages of male and female academic staff
- departments faculties
- Engineering engineering
- staffs staff
- faculties like faculties such as
- engineering faculties was predominated the engineering faculty was dominated
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives an accurate overview of the gender pattern and supports it with well-selected figures, including the male dominance in engineering and the strong female majority in education. Its main limitation is frequent language inaccuracy involving 'staff', agreement, comparison structures, and sentence boundaries; the single-paragraph presentation also reduces clarity. Prioritise grammatical control and organise the male-dominated and female-dominated faculties into separate detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate grouped comparisons cover the most important gender differences across all seven faculties.
Include the exact arts figure or contrast the 85% male share in engineering with the 72% female share in education for an even sharper comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to male-dominated, balanced, and female-dominated faculties, but remains one paragraph.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs grouping the male-majority and female-majority faculties.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate variety in referring to staff and proportions, though repeated misuse of 'staffs' and several awkward collocations limit precision.
Use 'staff members', 'male-dominated', 'the proportion of women', and 'the figure for men' consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear and some complex comparisons are attempted, but agreement, plural forms, possessives, and comma splices recur.
Correct structures such as 'the engineering faculty was', 'academic staff were', and 'more women than men', using full stops between independent clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2016. Academic staff percentages in faculties, by gender, 2016
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.