The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2016.
Sample Response
The bar chart compares the percentages of male and female academic staffratio of male and female academic personnel in different facultiesdepartments of a university in 2016. A glance at the graph reveals that the proportion of male academics in engineeringEngineering, science, law and business was higher while there were more female staffstaffs in faculties such asfaculties like arts, education and medicine. According to the illustration, the engineering faculty was dominatedengineering faculties was predominated by male instructors in 2016 as 85% of its staff were male85% of them were males. Law, business and science faculties also had a higher number of male academics, approximately six out of ten academic staffs were male. Interestingly, a similar percentage of staffstaffs of each genderfrom both genders were employed in the faculty of medicine in this university. Looking further, arts and education faculties of this university had considerably more female than male academicsfar more female teachers than that of males. In the education facultyIn education faculty, more than seven in ten academic staffactive academics were female. Female staffstaff’s dominance was evidentis obvious in the faculty of Arts as well and the female proportiontheir ratio was 58%roughly 60%.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives an accurate overview of the gender pattern and supports it with well-selected figures, including the male dominance in engineering and the strong female majority in education. Its main limitation is frequent language inaccuracy involving 'staff', agreement, comparison structures, and sentence boundaries; the single-paragraph presentation also reduces clarity. Prioritise grammatical control and organise the male-dominated and female-dominated faculties into separate detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate grouped comparisons cover the most important gender differences across all seven faculties.
Include the exact arts figure or contrast the 85% male share in engineering with the 72% female share in education for an even sharper comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to male-dominated, balanced, and female-dominated faculties, but remains one paragraph.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs grouping the male-majority and female-majority faculties.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate variety in referring to staff and proportions, though repeated misuse of 'staffs' and several awkward collocations limit precision.
Use 'staff members', 'male-dominated', 'the proportion of women', and 'the figure for men' consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear and some complex comparisons are attempted, but agreement, plural forms, possessives, and comma splices recur.
Correct structures such as 'the engineering faculty was', 'academic staff were', and 'more women than men', using full stops between independent clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2016.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.