The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The bar chart represents which different fields adults were working in 2003 and in 2013 in the United States.
Overall, the number of people working in the medical and business field decreased in 2013 as compared to 2003. Unemployment also reduced in 2013. In all the other fields, employment increased in 2013 than in 2003.
In the year 2003, individuals working in education training were approximately above 5%, in the hotel industry were below 5% and in the building were nearly 10%, while in 2013, people involved in these three categories increased to nearly 15-20%. In 2013 employees working as self-employed individuals rose more than double as compared to 2003.
Individuals who used to work in the medical industry were reduced to half in a later year. In 2003 more individuals were involved in running a business (approx 47%) which decreased to 27% in 2013. Unemployment decreased to 5 % in 2013 and nearly 10% in 2003.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe categories clearly Original: represents which different fields adults were working Suggested revision: shows the employment categories of adults Why it matters: The replacement states clearly what the bar chart compares.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: field Suggested revision: fields Why it matters: Two employment categories require the plural noun 'fields'.
- 3. Use concise comparison Original: decreased in 2013 as compared to 2003 Suggested revision: decreased in 2013 compared with 2003 Why it matters: 'Compared with' is a more concise form for this data comparison.
- 4. Use intransitive verb Original: reduced Suggested revision: decreased Why it matters: The unemployment rate decreased by itself, so 'was reduced' or 'decreased' is required.
- 5. Use chart category term Original: all the other fields Suggested revision: all the remaining categories Why it matters: 'Categories' more precisely refers to the labelled groups in the chart.
- 6. Fix comparison form Original: employment increased in 2013 than in 2003 Suggested revision: employment was higher in 2013 than in 2003 Why it matters: Use 'higher than' to compare the levels in the two years.
- 7. Give accurate figure Original: approximately above 5% Suggested revision: approximately 8% Why it matters: The education and training figure for 2003 is about 8%, and 'approximately above' is imprecise.
- 8. Clarify the subject Original: in the hotel industry were below 5% Suggested revision: those in the hotel industry accounted for about 4% Why it matters: The replacement supplies a clear subject and reports the charted proportion accurately.
- 9. Name category accurately Original: in the building Suggested revision: in construction Why it matters: 'Construction' is the natural employment-category term for the chart's building category.
- 10. Use accurate range Original: nearly 15-20% Suggested revision: approximately 18–20% Why it matters: In 2013, education and training, hotels, and building were about 18%, 19% and 20% respectively.
- 11. Fix sentence subject Original: In 2013 employees working as Suggested revision: In 2013, the proportion of Why it matters: The chart measures proportions, and the introductory year phrase requires a comma.
- 12. Fix change expression Original: rose more than double as compared to 2003 Suggested revision: more than doubled compared with 2003 Why it matters: 'More than doubled' is the correct grammatical form for this increase.
Suggested Rewrites
- represents which different fields adults were working shows the employment categories of adults
- field fields
- decreased in 2013 as compared to 2003 decreased in 2013 compared with 2003
- reduced decreased
- all the other fields all the remaining categories
- employment increased in 2013 than in 2003 employment was higher in 2013 than in 2003
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear overview and selects accurate comparisons across all seven employment categories, supported by several relevant figures. Organization is logical, but recurring grammatical and collocational problems make some comparisons sound awkward or imprecise, particularly descriptions of people being reduced or categories increasing than others. Focus first on forming accurate comparative sentences while retaining the effective overview-and-details structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies every direction of change, and the supporting details cover all categories with generally accurate values and comparisons.
State the three related increases with separate approximate figures instead of compressing them into the broad range of 15–20%.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to grouped increases and decreases, with clear paragraphing and generally effective referencing.
Make links between individual figures more explicit so that long comparative sentences remain easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses adequate employment and trend vocabulary, although several imprecise collocations weaken an otherwise clear description.
Replace awkward phrases such as “individuals were reduced” with precise forms such as “the proportion employed in medicine fell.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the data clearly, but errors in comparatives, agreement, and clause construction recur.
Practise structures such as “rose from X to Y” and “was higher in 2013 than in 2003” to make comparisons consistently accurate.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.