The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.
Sample Response
The provided bar charts reveal the united states of America’s adolescent’s employment status in 2003 and 2013; employment status was divided into six different categories.
Overall, we can clearly see American adults dominant in employment categories year by year except for business, medical, and unemployed. In 2003 the highest number of employees was in the business field which places taken by self-employed in 2013.
For 2003, self-employed and unemployed and building categories had the same proportion of adult employees on account of a tenth. With the highest percentage business was top on the list with 46%. However, least was the hotel industry, below 5%. Education training had 7% adult population while medical had one in fifth.
After a decade, the percentage of adults was double in the building field while half on the medical side. With 5% unemployed was declined, the major population was on self-employed with three in tenth. Business categories adults population go down 18%. Education training and hotel industry employment jumped up and remained the same percentage as medical had in 2003.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix category list Original: self-employed and unemployed and building categories Suggested revision: the self-employed, unemployed, and building categories Why it matters: Use an article, commas, and a single conjunction to form a grammatical list.
- 2. Use proportion phrase Original: on account of a tenth Suggested revision: at about one tenth Why it matters: The original phrase does not express a numerical proportion naturally.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: With the highest percentage business was top on the list Suggested revision: Business had the highest percentage Why it matters: The replacement gives the sentence a clear subject and finite verb.
- 4. Correct business figure Original: 46% Suggested revision: about 47% Why it matters: The 2003 business bar is approximately 47%, so the stated figure is inaccurate.
- 5. Fix comparative form Original: least was the hotel industry Suggested revision: the hotel industry had the lowest figure Why it matters: Use a complete subject-verb structure and the superlative form for the smallest category.
- 6. Give clearer estimate Original: below 5% Suggested revision: about 4% Why it matters: The hotel-industry bar for 2003 is approximately 4%.
- 7. Use chart label Original: Education training had Suggested revision: Education and training had Why it matters: This matches the category name shown in the chart.
- 8. Correct education figure Original: 7% adult population Suggested revision: about 8% of the adult population Why it matters: The 2003 education-and-training bar is about 8%, and the proportion needs an of-phrase.
- 9. Fix fraction phrase Original: one in fifth Suggested revision: one fifth Why it matters: The standard fraction expression is one fifth.
- 10. Use change verb Original: was double in the building field Suggested revision: doubled in the building sector Why it matters: Use doubled to describe an increase from about 10% to 20%.
- 11. Clarify medical change Original: half on the medical side Suggested revision: halved in the medical sector Why it matters: The verb halved clearly expresses the fall from 20% to 10%.
- 12. Use formal trend verb Original: jumped up Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: Increased is a more precise academic verb for the upward movement.
Suggested Rewrites
- self-employed and unemployed and building categories the self-employed, unemployed, and building categories
- on account of a tenth at about one tenth
- With the highest percentage business was top on the list Business had the highest percentage
- 46% about 47%
- least was the hotel industry the hotel industry had the lowest figure
- below 5% about 4%
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers nearly all categories and correctly identifies the leading category in each year, which is its strongest feature. However, the overview is partly unclear, the chart is misidentified as having six categories, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors make several comparisons difficult to follow. Prioritise writing a precise overview and expressing changes with simple, accurate comparative sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers nearly all categories and identifies the two yearly leaders, but the overview is unclear and the chart is wrongly described as having six categories.
State the main shifts clearly in the overview and verify every category count and comparison against the chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical, although faulty linking and unclear sentence relationships sometimes interrupt progression.
Use straightforward comparison patterns and connect each sentence to one clearly defined category or trend.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful trend vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce clarity and precision.
Replace awkward expressions such as 'on account of a tenth' with precise phrases such as 'accounted for 10 percent'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, possession, and clause formation sometimes impede meaning.
Prioritise accurate subject-verb agreement and complete comparative clauses before attempting more complex structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.