The graph gives information about the drinking habits of the US population by age.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of four types of drinking habits of persons as per their age group in the United States. The data analysis in the percentage of drinkers for US citizens.
According to the data, more than 60% of people with age group between 16 to 24 never touched the alcohol at the other hand nearly 5% person’s addicted to heavy drinking habits while less than 10% have absenteeism of drinking wine. At the same time with the young age group of 25-34 except light drinking which is more than 30% peoples have identical habits of the age group for 16-24.
It is quite interesting that peoples love to drink alcohol between the age group of 35 to 54 years & where it is downwards side in senior citizens compared to young ones. The rate of foreswear habit of alcohol rapidly increased while people getting more older and never drinking popularity falling off with increasing age.
Overall highest drinker ratio is observed in the age group of 45 to 54; Light drinkers are age group of 25 to 34 years for which concerned authorities had to take already imperative decisions which almost 40% of Americans forget to drink while they have aged to 65 and above.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct chart verb Original: illustrates the comparison of Suggested revision: compares Why it matters: The direct verb makes the introduction more concise and natural.
- 2. Use natural grouping Original: of persons as per their age group Suggested revision: among people by age group Why it matters: This phrase expresses the population grouping clearly and idiomatically.
- 3. Correct age expression Original: people with age group between 16 to 24 Suggested revision: people aged 16 to 24 Why it matters: Use aged with a range when describing members of an age group.
- 4. Describe the category accurately Original: never touched the alcohol Suggested revision: never drink alcohol Why it matters: The chart category describes a drinking status, so the present-tense phrase is more accurate.
- 5. Correct contrast linker Original: at the other hand Suggested revision: while Why it matters: While correctly links the contrasting proportions within this sentence.
- 6. Repair percentage phrase Original: nearly 5% person’s addicted to heavy drinking habits Suggested revision: nearly 5% are heavy drinkers Why it matters: A percentage needs a grammatical plural complement rather than a possessive form.
- 7. Name the correct category Original: have absenteeism of drinking wine Suggested revision: are ex-drinkers Why it matters: The visual shows ex-drinkers, not absence from drinking wine.
- 8. Avoid unsupported attitude Original: peoples love to drink alcohol Suggested revision: people drink alcohol Why it matters: The chart reports drinking status and does not measure whether people love drinking.
- 9. Correct age-range form Original: between the age group of 35 to 54 years Suggested revision: among the 35-to-54 age groups Why it matters: Among correctly introduces the two age groups included in this range.
- 10. Clarify the contrast Original: & where it is downwards side Suggested revision: , while the proportion is lower Why it matters: The replacement creates a grammatical contrast with the older groups.
- 11. Match chart categories Original: senior citizens Suggested revision: older age groups Why it matters: This wording aligns more precisely with the age bands displayed in the chart.
- 12. Use chart terminology Original: rate of foreswear habit of alcohol Suggested revision: proportion of ex-drinkers Why it matters: This is the clear and accurate label for the category shown in the visual.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrates the comparison of compares
- of persons as per their age group among people by age group
- people with age group between 16 to 24 people aged 16 to 24
- never touched the alcohol never drink alcohol
- at the other hand while
- nearly 5% person’s addicted to heavy drinking habits nearly 5% are heavy drinkers
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response identifies a few important patterns, especially the decline in never-drinkers with age and the high light-drinking share among 25–34-year-olds. However, several comparisons are unclear or inaccurate, and frequent awkward phrasing makes the description difficult to follow. Prioritise a precise overview of the main age trends, then support it with accurately labelled percentages and straightforward comparative sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response reports some relevant figures and trends, but its overview is confused and several claims about the highest drinking group and age comparisons are inaccurate or unsupported.
State the main visual trends accurately, including falling never-drinking, rising ex-drinking, and the correct peaks for light and heavy drinking, before adding selected figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is visible, but progression is weak because ideas are loosely connected and several long sentences combine unrelated observations.
Organise the report into a clear overview followed by two logically grouped detail paragraphs, with one comparison developed at a time.
Lexical Resource
Some topic vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inappropriate choices such as “absenteeism,” “foreswear habit,” and “forget to drink” obscure the intended meaning.
Use precise chart language such as “never-drinkers,” “ex-drinkers,” “proportion,” “rose,” and “declined,” and avoid unfamiliar words whose meanings do not fit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, clause structure, and comparisons regularly reduce clarity despite a few successful sentence forms.
Build shorter comparative sentences with a clear subject and verb, then check agreement, countable nouns, articles, and age-range expressions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph gives information about the drinking habits of the US population by age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.