The graph below shows U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the US government spending on research from 1980 to 2008.
Overall, the figure for health experienced an upward trend during this period, while it accounted for the highest expenditureit costed most among all the types. On the other hand, the figure for general science remained the lowest during this period.
After a slight decrease from nearly 8 billionbillions US dollars in 1980 to around 7 billion US dollars in 1984, the figure for health experienced a sharp increase to a peak of approximately 22 billion US dollars in 2004, then fell to about 18 billion US dollars in 2008. By contrast, the figure for general science fluctuated slightly, finally from about 3 billionbillions US dollars in 1980 to 5 billion US dollars in 2008.
Furthermore, the figures for space, energy, and other researchthe figure for space, energy and other fluctuated slightly. One of the most notablespecial features was that the three figures remained the same from 1984 to 1994, standing at 5 billion US dollars. After that, the figure for the 'other' categorythe figure for other experienced a steady increase to about 8 billion US dollars, then dropped to 5 billion US dollars again, while expenditure on space and energy rose to approximately 9 billion and 7.5 billion dollars respectively by 2008.while the figure for space continued to rise slightly to the end.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively presents key trends and numerical details from the graph, providing a clear overall progression. The main limitation lies in occasional grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing such as 'it costed most'. Focusing on refining subject-verb structures and eliminating pluralization errors in measurement units will significantly elevate the overall quality.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers all key features of the graph, offering an accurate overview and specific data points across the timeframe.
Ensure all category lines are fully detailed, such as explicitly clarifying the full trend for Energy toward the end of the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas are logically sequenced with clear transitional phrases throughout.
Vary cohesive devices beyond repetitive phrases like 'the figure for' to enhance the natural flow of comparisons.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally adequate for describing trends, though there are inaccurate word choices and expressions.
Replace awkward phrasing such as 'it costed most' with accurate academic phrasing like 'highest expenditure'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but grammatical errors like pluralizing 'billions' in specific numbers persist.
Ensure correct noun adjunct forms by using 'billion' instead of 'billions' when preceded by specific numbers.