The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.
Sample Response
The diagrams delineate how many beehives were there in five US states in 2006 and how much honey these states assembled in the same year. As a general trend, the higher the number of honey-yielding bee colonies in a state, the higher honey it produced and North Dakota was on the top of the list while Wisconsin on the bottom. It is conspicuous that North Dakota had the highest bee colonies in 2006 which accounted for 350 thousand. From these swarm hives, this state collected the highest amount of honey, over 25 million pounds. Interestingly, South Dakota had the second-largest number of bee colonies, roughly 225 thousand but its honey production was somewhat similar to that of Montana and Minnesota, each of which had approximately 130 thousand beehives. Wisconsin state had just over 50 thousand bee colonies, the lowest among the given states, and its honey production was the least as well, somewhat more than 5 million pounds.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use indirect question order Original: how many beehives were there Suggested revision: how many beehives there were Why it matters: An embedded clause uses statement word order rather than question word order.
- 2. Use the production verb Original: assembled Suggested revision: produced Why it matters: Honey is “produced”, whereas “assembled” is inappropriate for this quantity.
- 3. Describe a count precisely Original: highest bee colonies Suggested revision: largest number of bee colonies Why it matters: A count is described as the largest number rather than the highest colonies.
- 4. Repair the relative clause Original: in 2006 which accounted for 350 thousand Suggested revision: in 2006, at 350 thousand Why it matters: The original relative clause has no clear grammatical antecedent for the figure.
- 5. Use the chart term Original: these swarm hives Suggested revision: these colonies Why it matters: The chart counts bee colonies, while “swarm hives” is not the category shown.
- 6. Use consistent terminology Original: collected Suggested revision: produced Why it matters: “Produced” matches the measure named in the honey-production chart.
- 7. Remove the redundant noun Original: Wisconsin state Suggested revision: Wisconsin Why it matters: The state name alone is sufficient in this sentence.
- 8. Clarify the minimum Original: its honey production was the least as well Suggested revision: it also had the lowest honey production Why it matters: The revised structure places “also” naturally and uses “lowest” for an amount.
- 9. Name the visuals directly Original: diagrams delineate Suggested revision: bar charts show Why it matters: The task contains two bar charts, so the direct description is more precise.
- 10. Use the comparative determiner Original: higher Suggested revision: more Why it matters: The correlative construction is “the higher the number, the more honey”.
- 11. Correct the preposition Original: on Suggested revision: at Why it matters: The fixed expression is “at the top of the list”.
- 12. Restore the parallel clause Original: while Wisconsin on the bottom Suggested revision: while Wisconsin was at the bottom Why it matters: The second clause needs a verb and the preposition “at” to parallel the first.
Suggested Rewrites
- how many beehives were there how many beehives there were
- assembled produced
- highest bee colonies largest number of bee colonies
- in 2006 which accounted for 350 thousand in 2006, at 350 thousand
- these swarm hives these colonies
- collected produced
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear overall relationship between colony numbers and honey production, identifies the highest and lowest states, and makes a useful comparison among the middle-ranking states. Its main weakness is limited numerical detail for honey output outside North Dakota and Wisconsin, alongside several awkward phrases. The priority is to add precise production figures for South Dakota, Montana, and Minnesota while using more natural comparative language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and state rankings are accurate, but the account gives few precise honey-production figures for the three middle states.
Support the comparison by stating that South Dakota produced about 11 million pounds, Montana roughly 10.5 million, and Minnesota 10 million.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from an overview to ranked details, although presenting everything in one paragraph limits the clarity of its structure.
Place the overview in a separate paragraph and group the highest and lowest states apart from the three similar middle producers.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably wide range of task vocabulary, but phrases such as 'assembled honey', 'higher honey', and 'swarm hives' are unnatural.
Prefer precise collocations such as 'produced honey', 'greater output', and 'honey-producing colonies'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex structures, but word-order, comparison, agreement, and missing-verb errors appear repeatedly.
Correct embedded-question order and comparative clauses, for example 'how many beehives there were' and 'the more honey it produced'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.