The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Sample Response
According to the results of the labor-force research published recently, the following conclusions can be drawn from it:
In March, 1993, United States had seven percent of their workforce which might not seem disastrous until compared with Japan, where 2.5% were unemployed. However, the unemployment rate in United States began declining slowly since March 1993, and reached 5% mark in the middle of 1996. Japan turned out to be less lucky, as their unemployment rate doubled in three years. From then on, the percentage of unemployed workforce in United States remained roughly the same — about 5% until March 99, although there were minor falls and rises in the unemployment rate.
As for Japan, the percentage of unemployed fell rapidly by 0.5—0.6% after March 1996, but from summer 1996 and onwards it grew steadily and without any falls to reach 5.0% boundary in March 1999.
The major conclusion that I’ve drawn using the graph, is that number of unemployed in USA decreased by about 2.0% in the course of six years, while in Japan it actually increased by 2.5%. As a result, in March 99, both Japan and US had about 5% of their work force unemployed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove date comma Original: In March, 1993 Suggested revision: In March 1993 Why it matters: A comma is not used between a month and year when no day is given.
- 2. Add the definite article Original: United States had Suggested revision: the United States had Why it matters: The country name United States normally takes the definite article.
- 3. Fix pronoun agreement Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The singular country reference requires the pronoun its.
- 4. Use objective comparison Original: which might not seem disastrous until compared with Japan Suggested revision: unemployed, compared with Japan Why it matters: Task 1 reporting should state the comparison objectively and identify what the percentage measures.
- 5. Fix time expression Original: began declining slowly since March 1993 Suggested revision: began to decline slowly after March 1993 Why it matters: Began pairs naturally with an infinitive, and after marks the starting point of the change.
- 6. Add the article Original: reached 5% mark Suggested revision: reached the 5% mark Why it matters: A specific numerical mark requires the definite article.
- 7. Correct the timing Original: middle of 1996 Suggested revision: early 1997 Why it matters: The US line reaches approximately 5% around early 1997 rather than mid-1996.
- 8. Use objective language Original: less lucky Suggested revision: subject to the opposite trend Why it matters: The original wording is subjective and unsuitable for a neutral chart description.
- 9. Correct the scale of change Original: doubled in three years Suggested revision: rose to about 3.4% over three years Why it matters: Japan's rate increased from roughly 2.4% to 3.4%, so it did not double.
- 10. Use concise rate wording Original: percentage of unemployed workforce in United States Suggested revision: unemployment rate in the United States Why it matters: Unemployment rate is the precise and concise term for the plotted measure.
- 11. Correct the US trend Original: remained roughly the same — about 5% until March 99 Suggested revision: continued to decline, reaching about 4.2% by March 1999 Why it matters: The US line falls overall after 1996 and ends near 4.2%, despite fluctuations.
- 12. Use formal reporting language Original: I’ve drawn using the graph, Suggested revision: drawn from the graph Why it matters: This phrasing is more concise and removes the unnecessary comma before the verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- In March, 1993 In March 1993
- United States had the United States had
- their its
- which might not seem disastrous until compared with Japan unemployed, compared with Japan
- began declining slowly since March 1993 began to decline slowly after March 1993
- reached 5% mark reached the 5% mark
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well structured and communicates the opposing overall trends clearly, using a reasonably varied range of language. However, several key dates and values conflict with the graph, especially the claimed mid-period changes and the final convergence at five percent. The highest priority is to trace each line accurately across the full period and verify start, turning-point, crossing, and end figures before drafting.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The broad fall in US unemployment and rise in Japan are identified, but numerous inaccurate dates, values, and trend descriptions substantially weaken the report.
Report the US decline to about 4.2%, Japan's rise to roughly 4.7%, and their late-1998 crossover, avoiding unsupported claims of steady movement or equal endpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a generally logical chronological sequence with clear paragraphing, although the opening is unnecessary and some details are unevenly placed.
Begin with a direct paraphrase and overview, then organise two detail paragraphs around the early and later stages of both lines.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for trends and comparisons, but subjective or awkward expressions such as less lucky, disastrous, and reached a boundary reduce precision.
Prefer neutral graph vocabulary such as declined, fluctuated, converged, crossed, and ended at approximately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally clear meaning, but article use, agreement, punctuation, and noun-phrase construction show recurring lapses.
Proofread country references and quantified phrases, using the United States, its workforce, the 5% mark, and the number of unemployed people.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.