The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000.
Sample Response
The column graph depicts the percentages of senior citizens in the USA throughout the 20th century according to the decennial census population data of the U.S. Census Bureau. Generally speaking, elderly people in the USA increased over the period of 1900 to 2000. 65 to 74 years old citizens were highest in percentage among elderly Americans during this time. As can be seen in the chart, four out of every hundred Americans were over 64 years old in 1900. Moreover, the ratio of people over 85 years old in this year was insignificant. During the first three decades, the percentage of elderly people in the USA increased by merely 1%, and there was no change in the percentage of citizens aged over 85 years. Then in the next sixty years, the percentage of senior citizens surged to a maximum of over 12% of the total population. However, in the last ten years of the century, the number dropped slightly. By the year 2000 majority of elderly people were between 65 to 74, which was 6.5%, and the citizens aged 85+ were only 1.5%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name changing measure Original: Generally speaking, elderly people Suggested revision: Generally speaking, the proportion of elderly people Why it matters: People themselves do not increase in this context; the chart shows a rising population proportion.
- 2. Fix age expression Original: 65 to 74 years old citizens Suggested revision: citizens aged 65 to 74 Why it matters: Use 'aged 65 to 74' before or after the noun rather than 'years old citizens'.
- 3. Clarify group ranking Original: were highest in percentage among elderly Americans Suggested revision: formed the largest elderly age group Why it matters: This wording clearly identifies the 65–74 group as the largest component in every year.
- 4. Match age category Original: people over 85 years old Suggested revision: people aged 85 and over Why it matters: The chart's category includes people aged exactly 85 as well as those older than 85.
- 5. Use precise change Original: increased by merely 1% Suggested revision: increased by about 1.2 percentage points Why it matters: The combined share rose from about 4.1% in 1900 to 5.3% in 1930.
- 6. Correct age wording Original: citizens aged over 85 years Suggested revision: citizens aged 85 and over Why it matters: This is the standard form and accurately matches the 85+ category.
- 7. Identify declining measure Original: the number dropped slightly Suggested revision: the total proportion dropped slightly Why it matters: The chart shows a percentage decrease from 1990 to 2000, not a raw-number decrease.
- 8. Add article and comma Original: By the year 2000 majority Suggested revision: By 2000, the majority Why it matters: The noun 'majority' requires the definite article, and the introductory time phrase should be separated.
- 9. Fix age range Original: between Suggested revision: aged Why it matters: Use either 'between 65 and 74' or the more concise 'aged 65 to 74'.
- 10. Fix time range Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: A period with two endpoints is expressed with 'from' and 'to'.
- 11. State total precisely Original: four out of every hundred Americans Suggested revision: about 4.1% of Americans Why it matters: The three age groups total approximately 4.1% of the US population in 1900.
- 12. Quantify smallest group Original: in this year was insignificant Suggested revision: in 1900 was 0.2% Why it matters: The chart provides an exact value, so a quantified description is more informative than 'insignificant'.
Suggested Rewrites
- Generally speaking, elderly people Generally speaking, the proportion of elderly people
- 65 to 74 years old citizens citizens aged 65 to 74
- were highest in percentage among elderly Americans formed the largest elderly age group
- people over 85 years old people aged 85 and over
- increased by merely 1% increased by about 1.2 percentage points
- citizens aged over 85 years citizens aged 85 and over
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear, accurate overview of the long-term rise, the 1990 peak, and the slight final decline, with relevant figures for the youngest and oldest elderly groups. Its main weakness is limited coverage of the 75–84 group and the absence of paragraphing, while a few age-group expressions are awkward. Prioritise a separate overview and detail structure that compares all three age bands.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main overall pattern and several important values are accurately reported, but the substantial 75–84 group receives almost no specific coverage.
Add representative figures for the 75–84 group and compare its growth directly with the 65–74 and 85+ groups.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move chronologically and linking is generally clear, but the entire report is presented as one paragraph without a distinct overview or detail grouping.
Use separate paragraphs for the overview and for the chronological age-group comparisons.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably varied range describes trends and age groups, although phrases such as 'elderly people increased' and '65 to 74 years old citizens' lack precision.
Prefer precise forms such as 'the proportion of elderly people increased' and 'people aged 65–74.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are clear and several complex forms are controlled, but article, age-range, and relative-clause errors remain noticeable.
Edit noun phrases and comparisons carefully, especially articles before 'majority' and the forms 'aged 65–74' and 'from 65 to 74.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.