The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000.
Sample Response
The column graph summarises the percentages of elderly citizens in the USA who were above 64 years old between 1900 and 2000 based on the U.S. Census Bureau's decennial census of population data.
Generally speaking, the ratio of senior citizens in the USA increased significantly over the period, and 65 to 74 years old citizens were the highest in percentage in terms of their ratio among the elderly Americans. According to the graph, four out of hundred Americans were above 64 years old in 1900 and the majority of them were between 65 to 74 years old at that time. Moreover, the ratio of people over 85 years old in this decade was very insignificant. After three decades, however, the elderly people’s ratio in the US reached over 5% and it kept on increasing until the end of the 20th century. Thus, almost one in ten US citizens was elderly in 1970 and 0.7% of them were 85 years old. The growth of senior citizens further accelerated after 1980 in the USA. As a consequence, during the last two decades of the 20th century, the USA had been the home to 12% of senior citizens and almost 4.5% of them were between 75 to 84 years old and 1.5% above 85 years old.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard age phrase Original: who were above 64 years old Suggested revision: aged 65 and over Why it matters: This is the standard concise way to describe the age threshold.
- 2. Fix age modifier Original: 65 to 74 years old citizens Suggested revision: citizens aged 65 to 74 Why it matters: The age range needs the aged structure before modifying citizens.
- 3. Simplify repeated wording Original: the highest in percentage in terms of their ratio among the elderly Americans Suggested revision: the largest group among older Americans Why it matters: The original repeats percentage and ratio and obscures the comparison.
- 4. Add distributive determiner Original: four out of hundred Americans Suggested revision: four out of every hundred Americans Why it matters: Every is required to express this proportion naturally.
- 5. Fix range construction Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: A range introduced by between must be joined with and.
- 6. Use correct time point Original: in this decade Suggested revision: in that year Why it matters: The cited value belongs specifically to 1900 rather than to a ten-year period.
- 7. Use measurable wording Original: insignificant Suggested revision: small Why it matters: Small directly describes the proportion without the awkward intensifier-collocation.
- 8. Name the year directly Original: After three decades Suggested revision: By 1930 Why it matters: The explicit date makes the chronology easier to follow.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: the elderly people’s ratio Suggested revision: the proportion of elderly people Why it matters: Proportion of people is the natural phrase for a population share.
- 10. Clarify the reference Original: it kept on increasing Suggested revision: this figure continued to increase Why it matters: Naming the figure avoids an unclear pronoun reference and improves formality.
- 11. Correct category meaning Original: 0.7% of them were 85 years old Suggested revision: 0.7% of the population was aged 85 or over Why it matters: The chart shows the share of the total population aged 85 and above, not people exactly 85.
- 12. Specify the endpoint Original: during the last two decades of the 20th century Suggested revision: by 2000 Why it matters: The figures that follow describe the final year rather than both final decades.
Suggested Rewrites
- who were above 64 years old aged 65 and over
- 65 to 74 years old citizens citizens aged 65 to 74
- the highest in percentage in terms of their ratio among the elderly Americans the largest group among older Americans
- four out of hundred Americans four out of every hundred Americans
- to and
- in this decade in that year
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the long-term rise in the elderly population and identifies the 65–74 group as the largest segment, supported by relevant figures from several years. Its main limitation is that it overlooks the slight fall in the total after 1990 and sometimes conflates values from 1990 and 2000. Prioritise a more precise comparison of the final decades and use exact age-group figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trend and dominant age group are identified with relevant data, but the final-period pattern and some year-specific values are not represented precisely.
Show that the total peaked in 1990 before easing slightly in 2000, and distinguish the two final years' age-group figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, overview, and chronological progression, with only occasional overuse or imprecision in linking expressions.
Group the early and late periods into separate detail paragraphs and avoid causal connectors when the graph only shows sequence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally appropriate, though repeated use of ratio and phrases such as very insignificant are occasionally awkward.
Use more precise reporting terms such as proportion, segment, marginal, peak, and slight decline.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally clear control, despite several minor article, age-expression, and agreement errors.
Edit age ranges into forms such as 65- to 74-year-olds and check articles and omitted verbs in comparative clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.