The line graph below shows the unemployment rates for the USA and Japan between March 2005 and March 2011.
Sample Response
The line graph compares the percentages of unemployed Japanese and Americans from 2005 to 2011. Overall, the unemployment rate in the USA was considerably higher than that of Japan in 2005 but by around 2010after five years the rate became almost the samebecame the almost the same in both countries. Now, turning to the details, exactly seven percent of the workforceseven percent workforce in the USA was unemployed in 2005 which was almost three times as high asalmost thrice than the Japanese unemployment ratethe unemployment Japanese workforce. In March 2006, the US unemployment ratejoblessness among the US citizens dropped by about one percentage pointdropped by one percent while it increased to over 3.5 percent in Japan. Following that, the unemployment rate in the USA continued to decreasekept on decreasing with some fluctuations and reached 5.5%reached to 5.5% in 2010 whereas the opposite was truean exactly opposite was the truth in the case of Japanthe case of the Japan, where the percentage of jobless people steadily climbed until it reached to 5.5% in 2010. Interestingly, unemployment rates in the USA and Japan intersected each other by 2010 and with few minor rise and fall, both remained almost the same until March 2011until the end of 2011, despite a huge gap, 4.5% to be more precise, in early 2005.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response provides a clear overview of the opposing trends and accurately explains how the two unemployment rates converged over time. Its main limitation is imprecise wording around dates and values, alongside awkward comparative phrases and a dense single body paragraph. Prioritise using approximate language, naming March 2011 as the endpoint, and dividing the chronology into the early decline-and-rise period and the later convergence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the main contrast accurately: US unemployment fell from about 7% while Japan rose from about 2.5%, and the two rates converged around 2010-2011. Most figures are close, though the response sometimes says 2011 when the chart ends at March 2011 and overstates exactness.
Use approximate language consistently and specify that the final point is March 2011.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear overview and chronological detail. However, the body is one long paragraph and several transitions are wordy.
Divide the details into an early period up to 2008 and a convergence period from 2008 to March 2011.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally relevant, including unemployment rate, workforce, joblessness and intersected. Some phrases are unnatural, such as unemployment Japanese workforce and exact opposite was the truth.
Use Japanese unemployment rate, opposite trend and converged.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex sentences but contains article errors, comparative mistakes and awkward prepositions. Meaning remains mostly clear.
Proofread repeated words and comparative phrases such as three times as high as.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below shows the unemployment rates for the USA and Japan between March 2005 and March 2011.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.