The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010.
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Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates how the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam grewthe Vietnamese telephone users grew throughout 2010during the year 2010. Overall, the telephone subscribers in Vietnam gradually increased throughout 2010throughout the in 2010. As shown in the chartAs is presented in the diagram, the total number of Vietnamese telephone subscriberstotal Vietnamese telephone customers in January 2010 was over 115 million and this figure rose by about 2.7 millionthis number increased by 3 million in February. AfterWith a slight drop, the number of subscribers stoodthe subscription stood at 117.9 million in Marcharound 118 million in March and then rose to 142.4 millionwent as high as over 142 million in August 2010. Afterwards, the total fell slightly to 142.1 milliontotal users dropped a bit before rising to 144.4 millionjumping over 144 million in October that yearin October in this year. With a steady rise, total phone subscribers in Vietnam reachedreached to over 153 million, which153 million which was almost 40 million greater than the number of subscribers at the beginning of the year. It is worth noticing that the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam progressively developed except in March and September when the telephone users actually declined than the preceding month and the largest number of new telephone users subscribed between June and July, roughly 7 million.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the main upward trend and the two temporary declines accurately, and it supports these points with well-chosen figures, including the largest monthly increase. The principal limitation is presentation in a single dense paragraph alongside several awkward or ungrammatical phrases. Divide the report into clear functional paragraphs and edit agreement, prepositions, and comparative structures to make the otherwise accurate account more polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately identifies the overall rise, both monthly declines, the endpoints, and the largest increase while selecting appropriate supporting data.
Add one or two intermediate figures from April to July to make the development across the whole year even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a clear chronological progression and uses referencing effectively, but the single-paragraph presentation and long final sentence reduce readability.
Use separate introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs, and divide the final sentence into shorter linked points.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers changes and quantities with reasonable variety, though collocations such as “users grew,” “progressively developed,” and “declined than” are imprecise.
Prefer accurate data-description collocations such as “subscriber numbers rose” and “declined from the preceding month.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the data clearly, but agreement, preposition, article, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Proofread specifically for subject-verb agreement, unnecessary prepositions after verbs, and run-on sentences.