The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates how the Vietnamese telephone users grew during the year 2010. Overall, the telephone subscribers in Vietnam gradually increased throughout the in 2010. As is presented in the diagram, total Vietnamese telephone customers in January 2010 was over 115 million and this number increased by 3 million in February. With a slight drop, the subscription stood at around 118 million in March and then went as high as over 142 million in August 2010. Afterwards, total users dropped a bit before jumping over 144 million in October in this year. With a steady rise, total phone subscribers in Vietnam reached to over 153 million which was almost 40 million greater than the number of subscribers at the beginning of the year. It is worth noticing that the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam progressively developed except in March and September when the telephone users actually declined than the preceding month and the largest number of new telephone users subscribed between June and July, roughly 7 million.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe the measured total Original: the Vietnamese telephone users grew Suggested revision: the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam grew Why it matters: The chart tracks the number of subscriptions, not the physical growth of users.
- 2. Remove the extra words Original: throughout the in 2010 Suggested revision: throughout 2010 Why it matters: The phrase contains two unnecessary words that make the time expression ungrammatical.
- 3. Use concise chart language Original: As is presented in the diagram Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: This concise reporting phrase is more natural for introducing chart details.
- 4. Add the count noun Original: total Vietnamese telephone customers Suggested revision: the total number of Vietnamese telephone subscribers Why it matters: A singular verb requires “the total number,” and “subscribers” matches the chart label.
- 5. Name the quantity Original: the subscription stood Suggested revision: the number of subscribers stood Why it matters: One subscription cannot represent the chart’s total number of subscribers.
- 6. Report the exact value Original: jumping over 144 million Suggested revision: rising to 144.4 million Why it matters: The October bar is labelled 144.4 million, and “rising” is suitably neutral.
- 7. Fix the time phrase Original: in October in this year Suggested revision: in October that year Why it matters: The repeated preposition makes the time expression awkward and unidiomatic.
- 8. Remove the preposition Original: reached to Suggested revision: reached Why it matters: “Reach” takes a direct object and is not followed by “to” here.
- 9. Use concise timing Original: during the year 2010 Suggested revision: throughout 2010 Why it matters: This shorter time expression states the chart period more naturally.
- 10. Give the precise rise Original: this number increased by 3 million Suggested revision: this figure rose by about 2.7 million Why it matters: The chart rises from 115.7 million in January to 118.4 million in February.
- 11. Clarify the sequence Original: With Suggested revision: After Why it matters: “After” clearly links the March value to the decline from February.
- 12. Use the labelled value Original: around 118 million in March Suggested revision: 117.9 million in March Why it matters: The March bar is labelled 117.9 million.
Suggested Rewrites
- the Vietnamese telephone users grew the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam grew
- throughout the in 2010 throughout 2010
- As is presented in the diagram As shown in the chart
- total Vietnamese telephone customers the total number of Vietnamese telephone subscribers
- the subscription stood the number of subscribers stood
- jumping over 144 million rising to 144.4 million
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the main upward trend and the two temporary declines accurately, and it supports these points with well-chosen figures, including the largest monthly increase. The principal limitation is presentation in a single dense paragraph alongside several awkward or ungrammatical phrases. Divide the report into clear functional paragraphs and edit agreement, prepositions, and comparative structures to make the otherwise accurate account more polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately identifies the overall rise, both monthly declines, the endpoints, and the largest increase while selecting appropriate supporting data.
Add one or two intermediate figures from April to July to make the development across the whole year even more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a clear chronological progression and uses referencing effectively, but the single-paragraph presentation and long final sentence reduce readability.
Use separate introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs, and divide the final sentence into shorter linked points.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers changes and quantities with reasonable variety, though collocations such as “users grew,” “progressively developed,” and “declined than” are imprecise.
Prefer accurate data-description collocations such as “subscriber numbers rose” and “declined from the preceding month.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the data clearly, but agreement, preposition, article, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Proofread specifically for subject-verb agreement, unnecessary prepositions after verbs, and run-on sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.