The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates how the Vietnamese telephone users grew during the year 2010. Overall, the telephone subscribers in Vietnam gradually increased throughout the in 2010. As is presented in the diagram, total Vietnamese telephone customers in January 2010 was over 115 million and this number increased by 3 million in February. With a slight drop, the subscription stood at around 118 million in March and then went as high as over 142 million in August 2010. Afterwards, total users dropped a bit before jumping over 144 million in October in this year. With a steady rise, total phone subscribers in Vietnam reached to over 153 million which was almost 40 million greater than the number of subscribers at the beginning of the year. It is worth noticing that the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam progressively developed except in March and September when the telephone users actually declined than the preceding month and the largest number of new telephone users subscribed between June and July, roughly 7 million.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measured total Original: Vietnamese telephone users grew Suggested revision: number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam grew Why it matters: The chart measures the number of subscriptions rather than physical growth of users.
- 2. Correct time phrase Original: throughout the in 2010 Suggested revision: throughout 2010 Why it matters: The original time phrase contains an unnecessary article and preposition.
- 3. Use chart reference Original: As is presented in the diagram Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: Chart is the accurate visual type and the revised phrase is more natural.
- 4. Form the subject Original: total Vietnamese telephone customers Suggested revision: the total number of Vietnamese telephone subscribers Why it matters: The revision supplies the article and makes the measured quantity the grammatical subject.
- 5. Give precise start value Original: was over 115 million Suggested revision: was 115.7 million Why it matters: The chart provides the precise January figure of 115.7 million.
- 6. Use exact increase Original: increased by 3 million Suggested revision: increased by about 2.7 million Why it matters: The rise from 115.7 to 118.4 million is approximately 2.7 million.
- 7. Use count noun Original: the subscription stood Suggested revision: the subscriber total stood Why it matters: Subscription in the singular does not denote the total number shown.
- 8. Use concise trend verb Original: went as high as Suggested revision: rose to Why it matters: Rose to reports the upward movement more directly.
- 9. Refer to the total Original: total users dropped Suggested revision: the subscriber total dropped Why it matters: The chart tracks the total number of subscribers, not the users themselves.
- 10. Use formal adverb Original: a bit Suggested revision: slightly Why it matters: Slightly is a more precise academic description of the small fall.
- 11. Use neutral trend verb Original: jumping over Suggested revision: rising to over Why it matters: Rising is more appropriate than the informal jumping for chart description.
- 12. Fix time reference Original: in October in this year Suggested revision: in October that year Why it matters: The revised expression removes the awkward repeated preposition.
Suggested Rewrites
- Vietnamese telephone users grew number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam grew
- throughout the in 2010 throughout 2010
- As is presented in the diagram As shown in the chart
- total Vietnamese telephone customers the total number of Vietnamese telephone subscribers
- was over 115 million was 115.7 million
- increased by 3 million increased by about 2.7 million
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the central trend, both temporary declines, the largest monthly increase, and relevant figures with a high degree of accuracy. Its main weakness is language control: several awkward collocations and grammatical errors appear in an otherwise clear one-paragraph account. Prioritise cleaner sentence construction and conventional trend language, while separating the overview from the detailed chronological description.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview is supported by accurate start, intermediate and end figures, with both declines and the largest monthly increase correctly identified.
Refine the overview by explicitly contrasting the strong overall rise with the two minor month-to-month falls in one concise sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological progression is easy to follow and linking is generally effective, but the single paragraph and long final sentence weaken organisation.
Place the overview in its own paragraph and divide the data into early- and late-year stages with shorter, better-balanced sentences.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend vocabulary conveys the changes clearly, though developed, reached to and declined than are inaccurate collocations.
Use standard forms such as rose to, reached, fell slightly and was lower than, and reduce repetition of telephone subscribers and users.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied structures and remains clear, but errors in agreement, prepositions and sentence boundaries recur across the report.
Proofread for agreement and preposition patterns, and split the final compound sentence to avoid an overloaded structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.