The table below shows the weight of people in a particular country from 1999 to 2009.
Sample Response
The table illustrates the percentages of males and females at different physical fitness levels in a particular nation between 1999 and 2009.
Obviously, most women and men were at normal weight during the research period. While the percentage of overweight women increased, the reverse was true for men.
In 1999, 49% of women had a normal weight, while the figure for those who were underweight stood at about half of that percent. A similar pattern was seen in males but the figures were smaller, at 41% and 22% respectively. Overweight females made up 18% in that year, much lower than that of female counterparts, with 30%.
The percentages of underweight women and men both rose in 2004, to 51% and 48% respectively, before falling to 47% each in 2009. Similarly, overweight females and males accounted for smaller percentages of the population in 2004, at 21% and 23%, and both figures then went down to 19% each in 2009. Despite a rise of 2% in the first five years, the percentage of women with an underweight then decreased by 1%. However, the opposite trends were witnessed in underweight men’s percentage, with 20% and 23% respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate category Original: physical fitness levels Suggested revision: weight categories Why it matters: The visual classifies people by weight status rather than physical fitness.
- 2. Use neutral overview Original: Obviously Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: A neutral overview marker is more appropriate for an objective report.
- 3. Refer to figure Original: about half of that percent Suggested revision: just over half that figure Why it matters: The comparison is between two proportions, so 'figure' is the accurate reference word.
- 4. Correct comparison group Original: female Suggested revision: male Why it matters: The 30% figure refers to overweight men, not women.
- 5. Use value preposition Original: with Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Use 'at' to state the value of a proportion.
- 6. Fix adjective form Original: with an underweight Suggested revision: who were underweight Why it matters: 'Underweight' is an adjective describing the women here.
- 7. Fix number agreement Original: opposite trends were witnessed Suggested revision: the opposite trend was seen Why it matters: A single pattern is being contrasted with the preceding trend.
- 8. Use natural structure Original: in underweight men’s percentage Suggested revision: in the percentage of underweight men Why it matters: This structure expresses the measured proportion clearly and grammatically.
- 9. Use natural labels Original: males and females Suggested revision: men and women Why it matters: These labels are more natural when reporting population groups.
- 10. Use prompt wording Original: particular nation Suggested revision: country Why it matters: 'Country' is the clearer and more direct term used in the task.
- 11. Describe chart period Original: research period Suggested revision: period shown Why it matters: The table presents a time period rather than describing a research study.
- 12. Use group preposition Original: in males Suggested revision: among men Why it matters: 'Among' is the natural preposition for a proportion within a population group.
Suggested Rewrites
- physical fitness levels weight categories
- Obviously Overall
- about half of that percent just over half that figure
- female male
- with at
- with an underweight who were underweight
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is clearly organised and uses a useful range of comparative language, with many individual figures reported accurately. Its main limitation is the confusion between normal-weight and underweight data in 2004 and 2009, which creates a serious contradiction in the detail. Prioritise checking every category label against the table and making the overview and body comparisons consistently accurate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and many accurate figures are provided, but the normal-weight values for 2004 and 2009 are wrongly presented as underweight data.
Check every figure against both its row and column, then describe each weight category without contradictory labels.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs progress logically, although the contradictory underweight statements weaken clarity within the final paragraph.
Group the normal-weight figures separately from the underweight and overweight trends so each comparison remains easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied comparison vocabulary, but phrases such as 'physical fitness levels,' 'female counterparts,' and 'with an underweight' are imprecise or incorrect.
Use exact category nouns and natural collocations such as 'weight category,' 'male counterparts,' and 'were underweight.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is generally controlled, though awkward noun phrases and reference structures occasionally reduce precision.
Proofread comparative structures and noun phrases, especially references using 'that of' and possessive percentage expressions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the weight of people in a particular country from 1999 to 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.