The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain.
Sample Response
The graph shows the changing number of cases of whooping cough in Britain from 1940 to 1990, and how the introduction and use of a vaccine for the disease affected the pattern. Apparently, there was a direct link between the administration of the vaccine and the number of cases of whooping cough among children during this period in history. Overall, the number of cases fell from a high of 170,000 to almost zero. However, there were significant fluctuations in the trend. For example, just after 1940, there was a surge in the number of cases from 50,000 to approximately 170,000. Although the figure fell back in the next few years, it peaked again in the early 1950s and fluctuated considerably until the introduction of a vaccination in the late 1950s. Following this, the number of cases dropped sharply to well below 20,000 in the mid-1970s, until a sudden fall in vaccinations, from 81 percent to 30 percent, resulted in a parallel rise in the incidence of the illness. Figures then went up again to 60,000 around 1980, but gradually fell back to their earlier level as vaccinations were resumed. By 1990, 94 percent of children were being vaccinated against whooping cough, and there were few, if any, cases.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure Original: the trend Suggested revision: case numbers Why it matters: The figures fluctuate, while a trend describes the overall direction of change.
- 2. Specify the measure Original: Figures then went up again Suggested revision: The number of cases then rose Why it matters: Naming the measure directly is clearer and more precise than the general word figures.
- 3. State the level Original: their earlier level Suggested revision: below 20,000 Why it matters: The replacement gives the approximate level shown before the temporary peaks rather than using an ambiguous reference.
- 4. Describe uptake accurately Original: vaccinations were resumed Suggested revision: vaccine uptake recovered Why it matters: Vaccination did not stop completely; the graph shows the percentage of children vaccinated rising again.
- 5. Sentence rewrite Original: Apparently, there was a direct link between the administration of the vaccine and the number of cases of whooping cough among children during this period in history. Suggested revision: The graph indicates a clear inverse relationship between vaccine uptake and reported cases of whooping cough during the period shown. Why it matters: This wording describes the observed relationship precisely and removes speculative and redundant phrasing.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: Although the figure fell back in the next few years, it peaked again in the early 1950s and fluctuated considerably until the introduction of a vaccination in the late 1950s. Suggested revision: Although the figure fell in the next few years, it peaked again in the early 1950s and fluctuated considerably until vaccination began in the mid-1950s. Why it matters: The chart marks the start of vaccination around 1955, rather than in the late 1950s.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Following this, the number of cases dropped sharply to well below 20,000 in the mid-1970s, until a sudden fall in vaccinations, from 81 percent to 30 percent, resulted in a parallel rise in the incidence of the illness. Suggested revision: After vaccination began, cases generally fell, reaching well below 20,000 by the mid-1970s; vaccine uptake then dropped from 81% to 30% while case numbers rose. Why it matters: This revision presents the sequence clearly and distinguishes vaccine uptake from the number of vaccinations.
- 8. Organise the report Suggested revision: Separate the introduction and overview from the chronological detail, then group the pre-vaccination and post-vaccination changes into clear body paragraphs. Why it matters: The current single paragraph makes the overview and major stages less easy to locate.
Suggested Rewrites
- the trend case numbers
- Figures then went up again The number of cases then rose
- their earlier level below 20,000
- vaccinations were resumed vaccine uptake recovered
- Apparently, there was a direct link between the administration of the vaccine and the number of cases of whooping cough among children during this period in history. The graph indicates a clear inverse relationship between vaccine uptake and reported cases of whooping cough during the period shown.
- Although the figure fell back in the next few years, it peaked again in the early 1950s and fluctuated considerably until the introduction of a vaccination in the late 1950s. Although the figure fell in the next few years, it peaked again in the early 1950s and fluctuated considerably until vaccination began in the mid-1950s.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a strong chronological account of the changing case numbers and relates the major decline and later resurgence convincingly to vaccination uptake. Its chief weakness is the inaccurate claim that uptake reached 94% by 1990, since that label appears at the far-right endpoint around 2010, while the single-paragraph presentation also compresses the overview and detail. Correct the endpoint and organise the report into clear overview and detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately identifies the overall decline, major fluctuations, vaccine introduction, and resurgence associated with falling uptake, but misdates the final uptake figure.
Anchor the conclusion to the x-axis by distinguishing uptake around 1990 from the 94% label at the final point near 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological progression is easy to follow and causal links are generally well managed, though all information is compressed into one paragraph.
Place the overall trends in a separate overview paragraph and group the detailed timeline into clearly staged periods.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and precise for describing disease incidence, fluctuations, vaccination, and causal relationships.
Prefer established collocations such as introduction of vaccination and remove vague padding such as during this period in history.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Tighten the longest sentences so each temporal and causal relationship remains completely unambiguous.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.