The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.
Sample Response
The table shows the percentage of women in senior management positions in three companies from 1975 to 2015.
While more women were in senior positions at Finsbury Ltd than the other two companies in 1975 at 16%, the trend was fairly erratic with a 2% drop to 14% in 1980, followed by a rise of 1% five years later. In 1990, women held 7% more top management jobs than in 1985. After a slight drop back to 20% in 2000, by 2015 26% of top posts were filled by women.
By contrast, at Eldan Ltd women fared much better. In 1975, 3% of senior posts were occupied by women with no change five years on. By 1985, the figure had increased to 14%, doubling to 28% in 1990. Ten years afterwards, there was a 5% increase in female senior management jobs with a near twofold jump in 2015 to stand at 64%, the highest for the three companies.
The situation was less remarkable at Bamforth Ltd than the other two firms except for the year 2015. In 1975, the percentage of senior posts held by women was 9% climbing at the rate of 2% in each subsequent period until 2000, after which it leapt to 46%.
From the data, it is clear that women dominated senior posts at Eldan by 2015.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use percentage points Original: a 2% drop Suggested revision: a 2-percentage-point drop Why it matters: A change from 16% to 14% is a difference of two percentage points.
- 2. Use percentage points Original: a rise of 1% Suggested revision: a rise of 1 percentage point Why it matters: A change from 14% to 15% is one percentage point rather than one percent.
- 3. State the change precisely Original: a 5% increase Suggested revision: a 5-percentage-point increase Why it matters: Eldan's figure rises from 28% to 33%, a five-percentage-point change.
- 4. Use a natural expression Original: a near twofold jump Suggested revision: an almost twofold rise Why it matters: This is a more natural academic description of the increase from 33% to 64%.
- 5. Fix the comparison phrase Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Use of when selecting the highest value from a defined group.
- 6. Describe the trend precisely Original: less remarkable Suggested revision: more gradual Why it matters: More gradual directly describes Bamforth's steady small increases before 2015.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: In 1990, women held 7% more top management jobs than in 1985. Suggested revision: In 1990, the proportion of top management posts held by women was 7 percentage points higher than in 1985. Why it matters: The table compares proportions of posts, and the change from 15% to 22% is seven percentage points.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: In 1975, the percentage of senior posts held by women was 9% climbing at the rate of 2% in each subsequent period until 2000, after which it leapt to 46%. Suggested revision: In 1975, the percentage of senior posts held by women was 9%, rising by 2 percentage points in each subsequent period until 2000, after which it leapt to 46%. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the missing clause boundary and expresses the repeated changes in percentage points.
- 9. Add a full overview Suggested revision: Add that all three companies recorded overall increases, with Eldan highest and Bamforth showing the sharpest late rise by 2015. Why it matters: The response needs an overview that summarizes the dominant trends across all three companies.
Suggested Rewrites
- a 2% drop a 2-percentage-point drop
- a rise of 1% a rise of 1 percentage point
- a 5% increase a 5-percentage-point increase
- a near twofold jump an almost twofold rise
- for of
- less remarkable more gradual
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response reports the figures accurately and organizes the data clearly by company, using a strong range of trend language and controlled complex sentences. The main limitation is an overly narrow overview that mentions only Eldan's final dominance rather than the shared rise and contrasting rates of growth. The highest-priority improvement is to state those principal patterns together in a fuller overview.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers the data in detail, but its overview captures only Eldan's leading position in 2015 and omits the broader comparative trends.
Add that all three companies increased overall, with much sharper growth at Eldan and Bamforth than at Finsbury.
Coherence and Cohesion
Company-based paragraphs create a clear progression, and comparisons and references are handled smoothly throughout.
Place a fuller overview immediately after the introduction so the detailed company sections develop an established comparison framework.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of vocabulary describes changes and proportions effectively, with only occasional slightly overstated wording.
Prefer neutral statistical phrasing such as 'had the highest proportion' where words like 'dominated' may sound interpretive.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and largely error-free, with only minor punctuation compression in a small number of clauses.
Use a comma or relative clause before participial descriptions such as '9%, climbing' to keep dense data sentences fully controlled.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.