The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Sample Response
The table compares the percentages of market share by different laptop brands in three different years – 2006, 2007 and 2014. A glance at the graph reveals that HP was the leading notebook manufacturer in these years. As can be seen in the table, HP had the largest market share of laptops in 2006 and it retained the top position in 2007 and 2014 as well with around one-third of the total market. Dell secured the second position with 16.6% market share in 2006 and enjoyed a 10% increase in 2014. Samsung had only 11.6% share of laptop market in 2006 but this brand managed to capture over 14% global market share in 8 years. All the top three brands of laptop manufacturing had been able to increase their market share except Samsung in 2007. Toshiba and Lenovo had around 6 percent notebook market share in 2006 and in 8 years their market share increased slightly. The lowest market share was possessed by Fujitsu in 2006 and after 8 years its market share slightly declined and reached to 3.1%. All other brands captured a significant market share in 2006 (22.8%) but only 7.11% in 2014.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use countable plural Original: percentages of market share Suggested revision: market shares Why it matters: The plural noun directly expresses the separate shares held by the manufacturers.
- 2. Name the visual correctly Original: graph Suggested revision: table Why it matters: The task presents a table rather than a graph.
- 3. State the change precisely Original: enjoyed a 10% increase in 2014 Suggested revision: increased by 9.52 percentage points by 2014 Why it matters: Dell rose from 16.6% to 26.12%, a gain of 9.52 percentage points.
- 4. Add required articles Original: only 11.6% share of laptop market Suggested revision: only an 11.6% share of the laptop market Why it matters: The singular countable noun and the specified market both require articles.
- 5. Clarify share structure Original: capture over 14% global market share in 8 years Suggested revision: capture over 14% of the global market by 2014 Why it matters: This structure clearly links the percentage to the market and the endpoint year.
- 6. Use the natural term Original: brands of laptop manufacturing Suggested revision: laptop manufacturers Why it matters: Manufacturers, rather than brands of manufacturing, are the companies being compared.
- 7. Simplify the tense Original: had been able to increase Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient for the completed changes shown in the table.
- 8. Match the plural subject Original: their market share increased slightly Suggested revision: their market shares increased slightly Why it matters: Toshiba and Lenovo each had a separate market share, so the noun should be plural.
- 9. Correct the verb pattern Original: slightly declined and reached to 3.1% Suggested revision: declined slightly to 3.1% Why it matters: Reach does not take to before a percentage, and decline to is more concise here.
- 10. Use the table category Original: different laptop brands Suggested revision: laptop manufacturers Why it matters: The table compares manufacturers rather than individual branded products.
- 11. Make the reference precise Original: in these years Suggested revision: in all three years Why it matters: The revision makes the time reference explicit and immediately clear.
- 12. Use concise terminology Original: market share of laptops Suggested revision: notebook market share Why it matters: This compact phrase matches the measure named in the task.
Suggested Rewrites
- percentages of market share market shares
- graph table
- enjoyed a 10% increase in 2014 increased by 9.52 percentage points by 2014
- only 11.6% share of laptop market only an 11.6% share of the laptop market
- capture over 14% global market share in 8 years capture over 14% of the global market by 2014
- brands of laptop manufacturing laptop manufacturers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately selects most major trends, including HP’s dominance and the sharp decline for other manufacturers. Its main weaknesses are the imprecise description of Dell’s change as a 10% increase and several awkward grammatical or lexical choices. Prioritise distinguishing percentage-point changes from percentage increases, then organise the details into clear comparison paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and mostly accurate selection of key trends are provided, though Dell’s change is described imprecisely.
State whether changes are in percentage points or percentages and compare the most significant movements directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the market leader to smaller brands, but the entire report forms one dense block.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and use comparison-led grouping rather than a brand-by-brand sequence.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task, although several collocations about market share and manufacturing are awkward.
Use natural phrases such as market share rose, accounted for, and laptop manufacturer more consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms communicates the data clearly, but article, tense, and preposition errors recur.
Review tense consistency and constructions such as rose to rather than reached to.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.