The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries. Home a ctivities among young children
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates how youngsters in four countries (namely Malaysia, China, Nigeria and Sudan) participate in four different indoor activities. Overall, playing computer games is the most popular activity among those youngsters while reading books is the least preferred. Besides, watching different TV programmes is equally liked by the youths in these countries. To begin with, precisely half of all Malaysian and Sudanese children like to spend their leisure time playing computer games. At the same time, an even higher proportion of Nigerian boys and girls take part in this activity, 60 per cent to be exact. Finally, four out of ten adolescents in Sudan engage in this pastime activity. Watching TV is the second most common pastime and interestingly, it attracts exactly 30% of youngsters from all four countries. Regarding board games, an equal percentage of Sudanese children are involved while the figures range from one-fifth to one-fourth for the remaining countries. Additionally, 20% Malaysian and 15% Chinese children like to read books in their free time. For Nigeria and Sudan, their figures both stand at ten per cent. It is worth noticing that the popularity of computer games can be up to 6 times as much as that of reading books.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural comparison Original: equally liked by the youths Suggested revision: equally popular among the children Why it matters: This phrasing describes equal popularity more naturally and precisely.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: At the same time Suggested revision: By comparison Why it matters: The sentence contrasts Nigeria with the preceding countries rather than describing simultaneous events.
- 3. Set off the adverb Original: and interestingly, Suggested revision: and, interestingly, Why it matters: The sentence adverb needs commas on both sides in this position.
- 4. State the figure directly Original: an equal percentage of Sudanese children are involved Suggested revision: 30% of Sudanese children play board games Why it matters: Naming the percentage and activity makes the comparison with television explicit.
- 5. Add percentage complements Original: 20% Malaysian and 15% Chinese children Suggested revision: 20% of Malaysian and 15% of Chinese children Why it matters: Percentages referring to a group require “of” before the group noun phrase.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: their figures Suggested revision: the corresponding figures Why it matters: This wording refers more clearly to the reading percentages for the two countries.
- 7. Fix the comparison phrase Original: 6 times as much as that of Suggested revision: six times as great as that for Why it matters: The revised comparative structure correctly compares the popularity of two activities.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Finally, four out of ten adolescents in Sudan engage in this pastime activity. Suggested revision: Finally, four out of ten children in China engage in this pastime. Why it matters: The chart assigns the 40% computer-games figure to China, while Sudan is shown at 50%.
Suggested Rewrites
- equally liked by the youths equally popular among the children
- At the same time By comparison
- and interestingly, and, interestingly,
- an equal percentage of Sudanese children are involved 30% of Sudanese children play board games
- 20% Malaysian and 15% Chinese children 20% of Malaysian and 15% of Chinese children
- their figures the corresponding figures
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its generally clear summary and its accurate reporting of most figures, including the dominant preference for computer games and the low reading rates. Its main limitation is data accuracy: China’s 40% computer-games figure is attributed to Sudan, and Malaysia is incorrectly said to have 30% watching TV. Prioritize checking every country-label pairing against the chart and explicitly noting Malaysia’s zero TV figure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and many accurate comparisons are provided, but two country-specific claims conflict with the chart and Malaysia’s absence of TV participation is missed.
Verify each figure against its country label and report the exceptional zero value for Malaysian children watching TV.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a recognizable overview-to-detail progression, although the single unbroken paragraph and some mechanical transitions weaken organization.
Separate the introduction, overview, and grouped details into clear paragraphs and link comparisons by category rather than with generic sequencing phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary and comparative expressions, with occasional imprecise choices such as referring to young children as adolescents.
Use age-appropriate references consistently and replace awkward combinations such as equally liked with more precise comparative wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is generally controlled, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede meaning.
Improve accuracy in noun phrases and proportions, for example by writing 20% of Malaysian children and six times as popular as.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries. Home a ctivities among young children
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.