The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people.
Sample Response
The provided column graph summarises the result of a study and indicates what people in five different countries think to be the appropriate age to be allowed to have certain rights and responsibilities. Generally speaking, citizens’ opinion regarding the right age for marriage, voting and prosecution for crime greatly varies. As is given in the illustration, people in Japan and the UK opine that they should not marry until they are at least 20 years old while Americans believe that this age should be exactly 18. On the contrary, Mexicans and Egyptians agreed that they should be allowed to get married just after they cross 15. In terms of the voting power, Japanese state that 20 years is the right age for them while Americans and Egyptians express it should be 18. Both British and Mexicans want their voting right at 16 years, on the contrary.
Finally, American people give their opinion that someone should be charged by the law for committing any crime when they become 12 years old. Japanese seems like have a different opinion as they believe that someone should not be imposed with criminal offence until they turn 18 years. Survey participants in other three countries expressed that before 14 they should not be punished by law for any misdeed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the task wording Original: result of a study Suggested revision: results of a survey Why it matters: The prompt reports survey results rather than one study result.
- 2. Correct verb pattern Original: think to be Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: Consider takes the complement directly in this construction.
- 3. Make phrasing concise Original: appropriate age to be allowed to have Suggested revision: appropriate age for gaining Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the granting of rights and responsibilities more naturally.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: citizens’ opinion Suggested revision: citizens’ opinions Why it matters: The sentence refers to views held by citizens across five countries.
- 5. Use formal adjective Original: right age Suggested revision: appropriate age Why it matters: Appropriate is more precise than right in a formal report.
- 6. Name legal concept Original: prosecution for crime Suggested revision: criminal responsibility Why it matters: The chart measures the age at which a person can be tried in court.
- 7. Match plural subject Original: greatly varies Suggested revision: vary greatly Why it matters: The plural subject opinions requires the plural verb vary.
- 8. Use comparison linker Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast is the appropriate linker between different national responses.
- 9. Keep reporting tense Original: agreed Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: The present tense matches the surrounding description of what respondents think.
- 10. State the exact age Original: just after they cross 15 Suggested revision: at age 16 Why it matters: Both Mexico and Egypt show a marriage age of 16.
- 11. Use precise term Original: voting power Suggested revision: right to vote Why it matters: Right to vote accurately names the category shown in the chart.
- 12. Identify respondents Original: Japanese state Suggested revision: Japanese respondents state Why it matters: Adding respondents makes clear that the statement reports survey answers.
Suggested Rewrites
- result of a study results of a survey
- think to be consider
- appropriate age to be allowed to have appropriate age for gaining
- citizens’ opinion citizens’ opinions
- right age appropriate age
- prosecution for crime criminal responsibility
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers all three surveyed rights and responsibilities and gives mostly accurate country comparisons in a clear category-by-category sequence. The overview is too general, however, and the criminal-responsibility comparison obscures the difference between Egypt at about 14 and the UK and Mexico at about 15; awkward grammar and collocation also recur. The priority is to state the main highest and lowest patterns explicitly and report each value precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All categories are addressed with mostly accurate comparisons, but the overview lacks specific key patterns and the final criminal-responsibility comparison is imprecise.
Highlight Japan's consistently higher ages and the USA's notably low criminal-responsibility age, then distinguish the approximate 14- and 15-year figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is organised coherently by marriage, voting, and criminal responsibility, although some contrast markers are repetitive or awkwardly positioned.
Use one clear contrast within each category and avoid placing 'on the contrary' at the end of a sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is a good attempt at varied vocabulary, but expressions such as 'voting power', 'imposed with criminal offence', and 'charged by the law' are not natural.
Use precise terms such as 'voting rights', 'age of criminal responsibility', and 'tried in court'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-construction errors occur noticeably.
Review subject-verb agreement and complete clause patterns, particularly in sentences beginning with country groups or nationalities.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.