You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter: - explain what you like about the cafeteria - say what is wrong with it - suggest how it could be improved
Sample Response
Dear Mr Scott, I am writing this letter to bring a couple of issues to your attention with regards to our college cafeteria. I am hoping that you would publish an article related to this in our college magazine in its next publication. I have been going to our college cafeteria since the time I started college, and I have always liked it since then. In fact, the perfect location of the cafeteria, its hygiene and cleanliness, and varieties of the menu – all have contributed greatly to attracting many students from our college. However, when it comes to the prices of some of the food items as well as the customer service, the cafeteria could certainly do some improvements. Now, I understand that the price of the food can be a bit tricky issue to address but I believe that everyone would also agree that some of the foods are overpriced, especially, for college students, many of whom don’t have their own source of income. So, based on the issues above, I would appreciate it if you publish an article that addresses how this cafeteria is serving us, how the prices of a few food items could be reduced a little and how its staff can be a bit more proactive sooner than later. That would be helpful to all students who eat in the college cafeteria. Yours sincerely, Alex Joshua
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use fixed expression Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: With regard to is the standard fixed expression in this formal context.
- 2. Use direct tense Original: I am hoping that you would publish Suggested revision: I hope that you will publish Why it matters: The present hope and future publication are expressed more directly with hope and will.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: related to this Suggested revision: about these issues Why it matters: The replacement identifies the subject of the requested article more clearly.
- 4. Use magazine term Original: publication Suggested revision: issue Why it matters: Issue is the conventional term for one edition of a magazine.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: since the time I started college Suggested revision: since I started college Why it matters: The shorter clause expresses the same starting point more naturally.
- 6. Remove repeated time link Original: and I have always liked it since then Suggested revision: and I have always liked it Why it matters: Since then repeats the time relationship already established by the preceding since-clause.
- 7. Use precise praise Original: perfect Suggested revision: convenient Why it matters: Convenient describes the practical advantage of a cafeteria's location more precisely.
- 8. Avoid redundant nouns Original: its hygiene and cleanliness Suggested revision: its cleanliness Why it matters: Hygiene and cleanliness substantially overlap in this list.
- 9. Fix the noun phrase Original: varieties of the menu Suggested revision: the variety on the menu Why it matters: Variety is the correct uncountable noun for the range of available dishes.
- 10. Use concise structure Original: all have contributed greatly to attracting Suggested revision: have all helped attract Why it matters: The revised verb pattern is more concise and places all naturally after the auxiliary.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: could certainly do some improvements Suggested revision: could certainly be improved Why it matters: English uses make improvements or the passive be improved, not do improvements.
- 12. Use concise noun phrase Original: the price of the food Suggested revision: food prices Why it matters: The plural compound noun matches the later discussion of several overpriced items.
Suggested Rewrites
- regards regard
- I am hoping that you would publish I hope that you will publish
- related to this about these issues
- publication issue
- since the time I started college since I started college
- and I have always liked it since then and I have always liked it
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly identifies positive features, explains concerns about prices and service, and proposes an article advocating lower prices and more proactive staff, so its purpose is well established. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire response, including greeting and sign-off, forms one dense block, while several collocations are awkward. Prioritise conventional letter paragraphing and sharpen expressions such as 'menu variety', 'make improvements', and 'food items'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and intended magazine action are clear, and all three bullet points are covered with relevant explanation and practical suggestions.
Describe the customer-service problem more specifically so the proposed need for more proactive staff is fully supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence follows the three task points logically and uses clear transitions, but the absence of paragraph breaks makes the letter unnecessarily dense.
Separate the greeting, purpose, positive features, problems, proposed improvements, and sign-off into conventional letter paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss facilities, pricing, and service, though several collocations are inaccurate or repetitive.
Replace phrases such as 'varieties of the menu', 'do some improvements', and 'some of the foods' with standard alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses several well-formed complex sentences, but article choice, conditional forms, punctuation, and parallel structure show recurring lapses.
Use forms such as 'a rather tricky issue', 'if you published', and parallel modal verbs when listing the article's recommendations.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine. In your letter:
- explain what you like about the cafeteria
- say what is wrong with it
- suggest how it could be improved
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.