You applied for a college course and were accepted, but you cannot join the course. Write a letter to the principal of the college. In your letter: - say which course you applied for - explain why you cannot join the course - ask about the possibility of taking the course in the future
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, It is quite a privilege for me to have been granted admission at your renowned college, but unfortunately, I will not be able to enrol in the course because of some unavoidable reasons. However, I am expecting to enrol in this same course at a favourable time, if you allow me to do so. During the last fall semester, I applied for a 2-years Master's degree in Business Administration and got accepted immediately as the classes were to start from mid-September. I have always wanted to study Business Administration because I wanted to be a business administration and management personnel from my early high school years. Due to this, I have completed my Bachelor's degree in Business Administration. So, I was naturally quite excited to have an admission to your college. Then, suddenly, after getting the admission letter from your college, I got an offer of a paid internship from a very prestigious bank in my country to work as a Management Trainee. And, since it was a great opportunity for me to gain some valuable experience in the field of Management, I immediately decided to accept the offer. But, I would still like to study at your college in the same course if you consider me for the next semester. Kindly tell me about the procedure. Yours faithfully, Peter Joshua
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix admission preposition Original: at Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Admission takes the preposition to before an institution.
- 2. Avoid vague plural wording Original: because of some unavoidable reasons Suggested revision: because of an unavoidable conflict Why it matters: The singular phrase anticipates the specific internship conflict explained later.
- 3. Express a future hope Original: I am expecting to enrol Suggested revision: I hope to enrol Why it matters: Hope to is the natural construction for a desired future possibility.
- 4. Use clear timing Original: at a favourable time Suggested revision: at a later date Why it matters: A later date states the intended timing more clearly than favourable time.
- 5. Use formal approval wording Original: if you allow me to do so Suggested revision: with your approval Why it matters: This concise phrase is appropriate for a request addressed to a college principal.
- 6. Form the degree modifier Original: a 2-years Master's degree Suggested revision: a two-year master's degree Why it matters: The compound adjective remains singular, and the degree name is a common noun here.
- 7. Use formal passive wording Original: got accepted immediately Suggested revision: was accepted Why it matters: Was accepted is more concise and formal than got accepted.
- 8. Remove false causal link Original: as the classes were to start Suggested revision: with classes due to start Why it matters: The class start date accompanies the acceptance information but does not cause it.
- 9. Use a singular profession Original: a business administration and management personnel Suggested revision: a business-management professional Why it matters: Personnel refers collectively to staff and cannot name one person's intended profession.
- 10. Use since for duration Original: from my early high school years Suggested revision: since my early high-school years Why it matters: Since correctly marks the starting point of a continuing ambition.
- 11. Use simple past Original: have completed my Bachelor's degree Suggested revision: completed my bachelor's degree Why it matters: The completed degree is a finished past event, and bachelor's is not capitalized generically.
- 12. Use admission collocation Original: have an admission to Suggested revision: gain admission to Why it matters: Gain admission is the natural expression for being accepted by an institution.
Suggested Rewrites
- at to
- because of some unavoidable reasons because of an unavoidable conflict
- I am expecting to enrol I hope to enrol
- at a favourable time at a later date
- if you allow me to do so with your approval
- a 2-years Master's degree a two-year master's degree
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly identifies the MBA course, gives a credible and well-developed explanation involving a paid management internship, and asks directly about joining in the next semester. Its strongest feature is complete task coverage in a respectful formal tone. The main limitation is occasional awkward phrasing and unnecessary background detail; prioritise concise explanation and more natural academic and admissions vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The communicative purpose is achieved, all three bullet points are fully addressed, and the tone is consistently suitable for a college principal.
Ask a more specific future-enrolment question, such as whether the admission can be deferred and which documents or deadlines apply.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from the inability to enrol through course background and the internship reason to the future request.
Use separate paragraphs for the original admission, the reason for deferral, and the request for the next intake, removing repeated background.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for formal educational correspondence, though several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use 'two-year MBA', 'pursue a career in business management', 'gain admission', and 'defer my place'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures communicates the message clearly, but noun forms, articles, prepositions, and sentence openings contain noticeable errors.
Correct forms such as 'a two-year master's degree', 'admission to your college', and 'I would like to enrol in the same course next semester'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You applied for a college course and were accepted, but you cannot join the course. Write a letter to the principal of the college. In your letter:
- say which course you applied for
- explain why you cannot join the course
- ask about the possibility of taking the course in the future
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.