You and some of your friends want to start a weekly dance club, and you have found a hall that would be suitable to hold your meetings. Write a letter to the owner of the hall. In your letter: - explain the dance project - ask if it is possible to rent the hall and under what terms - state what day and times you would like to use the hall
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Khushbu, and I recently came across an advertisement for the hall owned by you, which is available for rent from next month. I am writing this letter to express my interest in using your hall to schedule meetings for the dance club that I and some of my friends are planning to start for the Dance festival rehearsals for two months. Initially, We will have to hold some meetings to discuss the project we are initiating, known as “Dance Fever”, to teach other dance forms and rehearsals before the arrival of the National Youth Day.
We found the description of your hall to be apt for our purpose. The location is quite convenient for everyone who will be attending this meeting. Again, just to clarify, we only want to schedule meetings to discuss our dance project approach and functionality and not for practising the actual dance. We would like to rent the place to have weekly meetings for the next two months under the stated terms & agreement.
We would like to use it only during the weekends from 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm for about eight continuous weeks, and about 15 to 20 people will attend the meetings. So, based on the information above, I was just wondering if you could rent us the hall, and should you choose to do so, please specify the rent amount and the terms and conditions upon which we both can agree.
Looking forward to hearing back from you.
Yours faithfully,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: the hall owned by you Suggested revision: your hall Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and natural in this context.
- 2. Choose suitable wording Original: apt for our purpose Suggested revision: suitable for our needs Why it matters: This wording is more natural when describing a venue.
- 3. Match plural reference Original: attending this meeting Suggested revision: attending these meetings Why it matters: The letter refers to a series of weekly meetings, so the plural form is required.
- 4. Remove redundant transition Original: Again, just to clarify Suggested revision: To clarify Why it matters: A single concise transition avoids unnecessary repetition and wordiness.
- 5. Clarify project wording Original: approach and functionality Suggested revision: plans and organisation Why it matters: The original terms do not clearly describe what the group will discuss.
- 6. Improve parallel structure Original: and not for practising Suggested revision: rather than practising Why it matters: This construction forms a clearer grammatical contrast with discussing the project.
- 7. Avoid unsupported reference Original: the stated terms Suggested revision: mutually agreed terms Why it matters: No terms have been stated yet, so the original reference is inaccurate.
- 8. Use formal conjunction Original: & Suggested revision: and Why it matters: Writing out the conjunction is more appropriate in a formal letter.
- 9. Use precise verb Original: have Suggested revision: hold Why it matters: Hold is the more natural verb for organised meetings.
- 10. Correct time phrase Original: during the weekends Suggested revision: at weekends Why it matters: At weekends is the natural prepositional phrase for a recurring weekend schedule.
- 11. Use precise duration Original: continuous Suggested revision: consecutive Why it matters: Consecutive accurately means eight weeks in an uninterrupted sequence.
- 12. Use formal transition Original: So, based on the information above Suggested revision: Based on these details Why it matters: This transition is more concise and appropriately formal.
Suggested Rewrites
- the hall owned by you your hall
- apt for our purpose suitable for our needs
- attending this meeting attending these meetings
- Again, just to clarify To clarify
- approach and functionality plans and organisation
- and not for practising rather than practising
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter has a clear formal purpose, sensible paragraphing, and enough practical detail about attendance, duration, and rental terms. Its main limitation is that the dance project is described inconsistently, while the preferred day remains vague as only weekends is specified; the priority is to state one precise day and explain coherently whether the hall is for meetings, rehearsals, or both.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three bullet points are addressed in an appropriately formal tone, but the project description is inconsistent and the requested day is imprecise.
Specify a particular weekend day and give one coherent account of how the hall will support the dance club.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in clear paragraphs and progresses logically from the project to suitability and practical rental details, despite some repetition.
Remove repeated clarification about meetings and use shorter topic-focused sentences to make the progression more economical.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range for the topic, but awkward collocations such as schedule meetings, project approach and functionality, and eight continuous weeks reduce precision.
Choose natural rental and club vocabulary, such as hold meetings, organise rehearsals, and eight consecutive weeks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, capitalization, parallelism, and sentence-control errors recur.
Check long sentences for clear subject relationships and parallel forms, especially constructions involving the club's purpose and planned activities.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You and some of your friends want to start a weekly dance club, and you have found a hall that would be suitable to hold your meetings. Write a letter to the owner of the hall. In your letter:
- explain the dance project
- ask if it is possible to rent the hall and under what terms
- state what day and times you would like to use the hall
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.