You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - say what you have learned in your present job - suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department - explain why you do not wish to leave the company
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Dear Mr Abraham,
I am writing to express my interest in transferring to a different department within our company to further my career development. I am hoping that you will help me with that.
Over the past two years in my current role as an Assistant Project Manager, I have gained valuable experience in project management, client relations, data analysis and requirement analysis. This role has helped me develop a strong understanding of how our industry works and how to effectively carry out important projects, which I believe can be beneficial in other areas of our organization.
I am particularly interested in moving to the System Analysis and Development team because I believe my skills and experience align well with the work being done there. By making this transition, I can contribute fresh insights while also expanding my expertise, ultimately adding more value to the company. Additionally, a new challenge will allow me to grow professionally while remaining committed to our organization’s goals.
I deeply appreciate the opportunities I have had here and would love to continue my journey within the company. If possible, I would appreciate a discussion on how we can make this transition smooth and beneficial for both sides.
I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
Eric Buchanan
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make request specific Original: help me with that Suggested revision: support this transfer Why it matters: The revision replaces a vague reference with the exact action requested.
- 2. Use standard term Original: requirement Suggested revision: requirements Why it matters: “Requirements analysis” is the conventional term for analysing project or system requirements.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: which I believe can be beneficial in other areas of our organization Suggested revision: and I believe this knowledge could benefit other areas of our organization Why it matters: Naming “this knowledge” removes the unclear reference of “which”.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: work being done there Suggested revision: work of that team Why it matters: This concise phrase refers more directly to the target team.
- 5. State career aim Original: continue my journey within the company Suggested revision: continue developing my career within the company Why it matters: The revision states the professional intention more precisely than the metaphorical “journey”.
- 6. Use natural request Original: a discussion on how Suggested revision: the opportunity to discuss how Why it matters: This collocation makes the request to the manager more natural and courteous.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: I look forward to your positive response. Suggested revision: I look forward to discussing this transfer with you. Why it matters: This closing invites a professional discussion without presuming that the request will be approved.
- 8. Clarify reason for staying Suggested revision: Link your appreciation of the company’s opportunities directly to your preference for an internal transfer rather than leaving. Why it matters: This would make the third required bullet point more explicit while preserving the reason already given.
Suggested Rewrites
- help me with that support this transfer
- requirement requirements
- which I believe can be beneficial in other areas of our organization and I believe this knowledge could benefit other areas of our organization
- work being done there work of that team
- continue my journey within the company continue developing my career within the company
- a discussion on how the opportunity to discuss how
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter is clear, professional, and well organised, with all three purposes developed through relevant details about experience, potential value to the new team, and continued commitment to the company. Its main limitation is that the benefit to the company remains somewhat general. The most useful refinement would be to name a specific contribution or outcome the transfer could deliver for the System Analysis and Development team.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter fully addresses the skills learned, the company’s benefit from the transfer, and the reasons for remaining, in an appropriately professional tone.
Strengthen the second bullet further by giving one concrete example of how the writer’s project or client experience would improve the new department’s work.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced naturally in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without becoming mechanical.
For even tighter progression, connect the named skills more explicitly to the proposed contribution in the following paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and consistently suitable for a workplace request, with effective phrases such as “client relations” and “fresh insights.”
Refine minor wording choices by using the standard term “requirements analysis” and avoiding broad expressions such as “adding more value.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of accurate simple and complex structures with consistently clear control.
Maintain this accuracy while making the benefit statement more concrete, for example through a concise conditional sentence describing the likely result of the transfer.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- say what you have learned in your present job
- suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
- explain why you do not wish to leave the company
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.